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(satire)

Medical experts have confirmed that many Liberal Democrat MPs, counsellors and activists are being adversely affected by the acute stress of being in government – the most common complaint being severe Electoral Dysfunction probably caused by a fear of premature ejaculation from power and the resulting subsequent impotence caused by it.

Electile Dysfunction (ED) is the inability to have an election characterized by rational fears of losing influence, power or respect which is often caused by being in a dysfunctional relationship with an abusive partner.

Nick Clegg trying to have an election

A psychologist who has investigated the reportedly widespread problem – which seems to affect mainly members belonging to the Liberal Democrat party – says the party’s inability to have an election may be closely tied to stress caused by regular severe abuse the members have received during the 2-year period of time they have been in a close relationship with an extremely abusive and dominating partner.

The psychologist explained just how deep-seated the Liberal Democrats’ problem may be:

“ED is a severe form of electoral impotence where penetration of the hearts and minds of voters is made physically impossible due to deep-seated failures of thought processes and a lack of feeling for anyone else due to a strong desire to remain in power for as long as possible.”

However, a spokesperson for the Liberal Democrats denied their members were suffering from severe feelings of impotence and were unable to have an election:

“Electile dysfunction? Nonsense! Quite the opposite. We’re all scared stiff actually.”

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