(satire – I think)
DAILY MAIL EXCLUSIVE!
White British people are now in a minority in parts of the south east for the first time it emerged today as census data revealed that the population of orange people in England and Wales went up by 3 million over the past decade.
In some areas of the south east – in particular parts of Essex such as Romford and Dagenham – as many as 3.7 million people described their ethnicity as ‘Orange British’ and experts believed it is the first time that British whites have become a minority in any region of the UK.
The shocking statistics also show that as many as 96% of UK residents were not at any time born abroad and – despite decades of attempts by multi-culturalists to teach French to bored school children all over the country – almost 99% of UK residents are unable to speak any language other than English.
Another major change to the nation came in the decreasing number of people describing themselves as practising Liberal Democrats – 4 million more Britons said they no longer had any faith in Nick Clegg at all or were agnostic about him.
The shocking figures come on top of recent research which has shown the percentage of white British prime ministers resident in number 10 Downing St has declined by as much as 300% in the last two decades as they were replaced by one in 1997 who was decidedly orange, followed by one who was Brown and resulting in the one we have now who is clearly a red-faced prick.
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