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(satire – sort of)

The former leader of the Liberal Democrats and well-known adulterer, Lord Ashdown – who has been put in charge of the party’s 2015 election campaign – has told the membership to go back to their constituencies and prepare to persuade the electorate to forgive them for repeatedly screwing them over behind their backs. Again. 

Lord Ashdown told party activists at the Liberal Democrat conference in Brighton that it was time to stop being a party of opposition and start ruining the country like any other party of government while at the same time pretending to give a shit what the voters think.

When Lord Ashdown was asked by reporters why he and other party leaders had been tempted to betray the electorate so openly, he explained:

It wasn’t our fault. The voters don’t understand us.

However, we’d still like to make it clear that these ‘indiscretions’ are all firmly in the past and we would like to apologise for going off with another party behind your back.

And we can categorically assure you it will never, ever happen again.

That’s a pledge.

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Related articles by Tom Pride on this subject:

Doctors – many LibDems suffering from Electile Dysfunction & fear of impotence

Sheffield man left with nothing after falling victim to Westminster conmen

War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery. Tripling Fees Makes Them More Affordable.

Lib Dems must stand behind Nick Clegg and use him as a human shitwall urges Paddy Ashdown

ASK NICK! Advice From Our Resident Agony Aunt – Nick Clegg

Liverpool FC owners cool interest in Nick Clegg

Despite his lack of relevance, Nick Clegg is likely to have attended sensitive meetings, No 10 admits

Lib Dems Hail ‘Sensational Victory’ In Bradford West By-Election

Experts Delve Mystery Of LibDem Love For ‘Dear Leader’

Liberal Democrats Threaten To Become Very Cross Over EU Veto

Nick Clegg announces £126m scheme to encourage employers to take on unemployed Lib Dem politicians after next election

Lib’ Dem’s Win Major Concessions From Tories Over NHS Bill Punctuation

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