(satire – probably)
Doctors are treating the Prime Minister David Cameron for a strong reaction in the knee to jerks after Thursday’s local council elections in England and Wales.
Medical experts suspect Mr Cameron may be suffering from an increasingly common medical disorder known as ‘Ukiparerighterthanus’ – a disease characterised by symptoms of knee jerk reactions to everyday problems, right-wing tics, highly offensive outbursts as well as the emergence of large, fat balding pains especially on the right.
There is no known cure for the illness, although it is thought the disorder may be spread by contact with a deadly bacteria known as Ruperteria Murdochoccus and can also be made worse by excessive exposure to the Sun. Some experts believe it could also be picked up and passed from person to person by unprotected handling of the Mail or excessive wearing of blazers.
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Related articles by Tom Pride:
Cameron to woo back lost voters by pledging to wear blazers and be racist more often
Bananas, nuts and fruitcakes express outrage at being compared to UKIP members
UKIP candidate – physical exercise prevents homosexuality (no – not satire)
Nigel Farage, the Tea Party Godfather and the man who tried to trash the pound. Twice.
UKIP chairman – every UK city should have 1 or 2 ‘holding’ camps for immigrants
Cameron must be balder to counter UKIP threat say senior Tory slapheads
Shock as fringe, right-wing “Tory” party comes 3rd in Eastleigh by-election
UKIP candidate – UK dinners flooded by criminal gangs of eastern European horses
If UKIP is so bloody libertarian – why has it said nothing against secret courts?
Government ministers announce plan to deter immigrants to UK by making it shit
See sample of new negative ads about UK for Romania and Bulgaria
Oops! Daily Mail gets British immigration test wrong
Daily Mail – Outrage As Number Of UK Immigrants On Podiums Hits Record Levels!
UKIP and a little matter of bestiality and necrophilia …..
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Pride's Purge 
Could not resist this one Tom …filed under ARE YOU HAVING A LAUGH?
Leave justice to us, police warn vigilante paedophile hunters using Facebook to lure suspects before confronting them
Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2312824/Letzgo-Hunting-Facebook-sting-Leave-justice-police-warn-vigilante-paedophile-hunters.html#ixzz2SPodaRFv
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PS not all UKIPpers wear blazers, some are known to go blazerless (but only when they are in bed, where they only wear a shirt and tie)
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Slave Branding makes a come back
http://uk.news.yahoo.com/york-city-firm-offers-pay-rise-tattoo-032222907.html;_ylt=ArRdNStNPPaoAYJDuk6F7UHEfMl_;_ylu=X3oDMTRqc2p1aThwBG1pdANlZGl0b3JzIHBpY2tzIFJIIENvbCAxNzA5MTIEcGtnAzkxN2JjNDcyLWUyZmYtMzBlOS1hOGU4LTIzMzA3NDljMmNmZARwb3MDMwRzZWMDTWVkaWFCQ2Fyb3VzZWxNaXhlZExQQ0EEdmVyAzVlM2Y4MzkwLWI0NmEtMTFlMi1iZmJmLWY5MjBiYWI2NGNlYw–;_ylg=X3oDMTJsMHFqaG1kBGludGwDZ2IEbGFuZwNlbi1nYgRwc3RhaWQDNDU4N2JhNGQtOWNjMS0zNzZkLTg2YzItMGQzMjFmMGNmY2YxBHBzdGNhdAN1awRwdANzdG9yeXBhZ2U-;_ylv=3#wWqVTcA
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Apparently, PM David Cameron thought it would a spiffingly great brilliant idea, and darn good PR publicity for the ongoing Tory austerity budget, to get Chancellor George Osborne’s handsome face on to the new British £5 banknotes, over the caption: “All I have to offer you is blood, toil, tears, and sweat”…… but for some inexplicable reason the honchos at the Bank of England opted for Sir Winston Churchill instead… 🙂
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Reblogged this on Ufohunterorguk.com.
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I had problems unpicking ‘‘Ukiparerighterthanus’ … my brain was determined to go with ‘Ukip are right up the anus’. But I’ve got it now (though mine still seems more apt!).
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Doctors are also trying very hard to treat jerks that were once the Labour Party before they became the terminally toryfied Brlairlyingthievingbastards so despised now by swathes of the electorate.
It would appear that most recent form of jerk, the priceless electoral gift that is Millipede, a symptom of which tends to give it’s sibling a stabbing sensation in the back, has recently had a mild dose of truth delirium and has admitted that it was all a big mistake and he’s very very sorry and will try not to do it again.
He is even beginning to wish that the aforementioned Blairfacedliars hadn’t completely suppressed debate about unlimited mass immigration to the point where the agenda has now been completely and utterly taken over and driven by the Faragingfruitcakeclowns which have been a major cause of the widespread knee jerk syndrome spread in part by exposure of the electoral host to internet messaging.
A visible major symptom of the knee jerk reactionitis which has affected leaders of both political tribes has been an outbreak of rash pledges and half promises, which are not unfamiliar to trained observers who now know that these pledges will soon develop into memory loss.
Many of the older silverbacks from the untouchable lower orders who never went to uni to do meeja studies, but instead worked for a living up chimneys and as gelignite testers, are actually eating fruitcake as an antidote to the constant hectoring cries of waycist whenever they tried to open a rational debate to let people know that we’ve run out of stuff to give away and are sick of being ignored.
The fruitcake remedy means that the two ruling tribes are now very scared of the greyoldgit voter disease, which could give them both the lasting sensation of a good kick in the balls.
Doctors have also warned that a side effect of this Ukiparerighterthanus syndrome will bring about the complete annihilation and extinction of the increasingly rare species known as the Libdemarseholecreeepers at the time of the next general election.
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Q: Whose anus are this UKIP plague reputedly up??? ~~ I had a precautionary medical check up this morning at my local GP’s surgery, and my GP was happy to confirm that there is no UKIP up MY anus, which is something of a relief…..Actually I had a problem unpicking your user-name, and after a short while I gave up and went with: “It’s SIZE that matters, Susan…” ~ 🙂
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Aynuck: Brilliantly-written piece, if I may compliment you upon it.~ You can’t expect anyone who has been to Eton or Oxford (which of course includes most of David Cameron’s ‘hand-picked’ cabinet) to become a gelignite tester or to work in Woolworths on the tins of paint counter!! 🙂
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That’s very kind of you to say something nice about my ramblings Tunefultony. 🙂
Showing your age if you remember when there were Woolies girls on counters, I was never short of five Park Drive when my sisters friend was on the cigarette counter.
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Touche 🙂
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