(satire – probably)
The Tory Party is showing signs of a serious split in its ranks after senior front-bench slapheads Iain Duncan Smith and William Hague warned David Cameron he will need to forge ahead with more radical hair loss if he wants to counter the threat from fat, balding supporters of UKIP.
The warning came as a split in the parliamentary Conservative Party emerged between generally more radically shiny-pated Tory backbenchers who would prefer the cabinet to be balder and those in the Prime Minister’s immediate circle with more luxuriantly quiffed policies.
In recent months, Mr Cameron has been revealing more and more of a growing radical bald patch of intolerance on the top of his head – something he managed very successfully to comb over and conceal from the electorate before the last election.
However, in the light of the Conservative’s drubbing in the Eastleigh by-election, the more obviously shiny-headed chrome-domes in Mr Cameron’s cabinet have been urging the Prime Minister to go all out and be balder instead of trying to comb over and conceal his innate tendency to be a bit of a skinhead underneath his bushy and hirsute exterior.
As an example of the growing concern within the Conservative Party about Mr Cameron’s ability to appeal to more depilated parts of the electorate, a senior backbench Tory MP urged the Prime Minister to tackle the growing threat from UKIP by developing more of an obvious paunch, not clipping his nasal hair and wearing blazers with a Rotary Club badge on the pocket more often.
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Related articles by Tom Pride:
Tory BigWig Michael Fabricant Calls for Pact with UKIP to Protect Closet Racists in Both Parties
Shock as fringe, right-wing “Tory” party comes 3rd in Eastleigh by-election
UKIP candidate – UK dinners flooded by criminal gangs of eastern European horses
If UKIP is so bloody libertarian – why has it said nothing against secret courts?
Government ministers announce plan to deter immigrants to UK by making it shit
See sample of new negative ads about UK for Romania and Bulgaria
Oops! Daily Mail gets British immigration test wrong
Daily Mail – Outrage As Number Of UK Immigrants On Podiums Hits Record Levels!
UKIP and a little matter of bestiality and necrophilia …..
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“I don’t advise a haircut, man. All hairdressers are in the employment of the government. Hair are your aerials. They pick up signals from the cosmos and transmit them directly into the brain. This is the reason bald-headed men are uptight.”
Danny, Withnail and I.
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What a great series of posts. We are indebted to Tom Pride for his wit and wisdom. In fact we are indebted to everyone – but I won’t discuss the Chancer – sorry Chancellor – at this point..
This is my first comment and I have been stirred by the implication of links between slapheads with nasal hair and paunches (I stand guilty as charged on all three counts) with the more radical fringe (pun acknowledged and apologised for) of the Tory Party.
If I was a Rotary member I would resign forthwith. My blazer is now smouldering nicely in the garden. (I made that last bit up).
Now where are my nose clippers?
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Brilliant, very very funny. Get fatter, get hairier and get rotary!
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Reblogged this on HUMAN RIGHTS & POLITICAL JOURNAL.
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does the term slapheaad come from the fact that they slap their hair back over the bald patch?, or perhaps it comes from The Benny hill show and his bald sidekick who was always getting slapped on the head, but I think it’s brought about because of the appreciative pats on the head for following rightwing dictats.
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A friend asked how I keep up with politics in England while I’m living in New Zealand…I think I’m going to stop reading everything else and have this blog as my main source. Thank you!
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