Scientists Succeed in Growing Balls on Liberal Democrats in Laboratory

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Coalition, health, Liberal Democrats, open government

(satire – probably)

Liberal Democrats may in future be able to have their missing balls or backbones replaced with ones grown from cells taken from chickens or mice, experts have predicted.

Scientists say hybrids of mouse or chicken stem cells – both of which are remarkably similar in structure to those extracted from Liberal Democrat cabinet ministers – raises the possibility of growing missing teeth, backbones and balls on junior coalition MPs’ bodies.

Several pairs of fully functioning balls – created by combining stem cells taken from mice and Vince Cable well before he sold himself out for a seat in the cabinet – have been grown in a laboratory by researchers who hope the work could lead to Liberal Democrat MPs being able to grow back other things they lack – such as scruples or guts – and in the future it may even be possible to provide them with at least a primitive, working conscience scientists say.

Professor Paul Smith, who led the research at King’s College London, said:

Epithelial cells derived from adult Lib Dem tissue are capable of responding to testicle-inducing signals from embryonic mesenchyme in an appropriate way to contribute to ball sack and gonad formation and give rise to relevant differentiated cell types, following in-vitro culture.

Or to put it in layman’s terms – it’s about time the Lib Dems grew a pair.

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