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(satire – possibly)

After publicly endorsing UKIPTV celebrity chef Jamie Oliver has denied accusations he is ignorant of politics saying his detailed research showed that fruitcakes and nuts – which can be found in large numbers in Nigel Farage’s Eurosceptic party –  are good for you.

Mr Oliver – who has tirelessly campaigned for British schools to serve food to children which is healthier for his bank balance  – said:

Most of UKIP’s policies are pure bananas – which as everyone knows are very healthy – and as a chef I’m all for people being out to lunch like the majority of UKIP members seem to be. And if we have to swallow the tripe we get from most politicians – it may as well be the pure, unadulterated, unprocessed tripe being served up in large amounts by UKIP.

Mr Oliver’s comments come not long after the UK Food Standards Agency announced it was launching an urgent investigation into how such large amounts of fudge  – including excessive use of artificial sweeteners – have been allowed to find their way into David Cameron’s policy on Britain’s relationship with the EU.

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Related articles by Tom Pride:

FSA – tests reveal Nick Clegg may contain up to 100% chicken

Scientists Succeed in Growing Balls on Liberal Democrats in Laboratory

Cameron delays EU speech till 2018

Ken Clarke and Peter Mandelson join forces to fight Eurovision Song Contest sceptics

Never mind a UK referendum on ceding power to Brussels. What about China?

West Mulls Military Strikes Against IKEA

Cameron Lectures Eurozone On How to Ruin Economy

Engelbert Humperdinck to Represent UK at Next EU Summit

Liberal Democrats Threaten To Become Very Cross Over EU Veto

The (Real) Definition Of Standard & Poor’s Credit Ratings…..

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