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(satire – or is it? Does anyone even know any more?)

The Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has targeted the culture of target-setting in the NHS by setting a target for reducing targets.

Mr Hunt acknowledged that targets were “useful,” as long as they were not “targets,” especially the round ones with concentric circles and a bullseye in the middle.

However, the Health Secretary defended the practice of putting patients in boxes – adding that a certain amount of packaging patients in cardboard was essential to let hospitals focus on their core activity of caring for profits.

In an interview with the BBC, Mr Hunt said:

I don’t mind aims, they’re alright and goals can be useful sometimes especially in football but we have to understand that having too many targets in our hospitals will mean doctors and nurses will constantly be tripping over them, especially if they’re the ones on tripods they use in archery.

Besides, it’s probably not all that safe to let people fire arrows or guns all over the place in a hospital, is it?

The Health Secretary also defended the under-fire head of the NHS Sir David Nicholson, insisting he had done a great deal to improve the health service and reduce hospital waiting lists, mainly by making sure large numbers of patients were prematurely killed off in order to free up beds for more wealthy patients.

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ATOS to reduce ‘fit for work’ test to one question: “Are you alive?”

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Queen confirmed longest monarch on the throne after bout of gastroenteritis

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