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(satire – probably)

A Tory candidate who vanished from a by-election hustings in Eastleigh has been found listed for sale at a US auction site.

The candidate Maria Hutchings – who is depicted as a clueless woman draped in Union Jack bunting with her foot in her mouth – disappeared from the middle of a by-election campaign this week.

She is now for sale in Miami, with an estimate of $220 – $352.

Local Conservative Party activists said there is “lots of anger” at the removal, and are campaigning for the candidate’s return.

Residents first noticed tarpaulins being put up by Conservative Party officials around the candidate last Wednesday when they obviously began to suspect if she had any chance of winning the by-election, they might need to completely remove her from public view.

A local councillor said

The scaffolding and tarpaulins came down on Friday, and on Saturday residents noticed that, where Maria Hutchings had been, there was now just an empty hole in the wall.

In a statement, the auctioneers in Miami Fine Art Auctions, described the candidate as a “crude, one-dimensional cartoon Tory primitively rendered in stencil and spray paint with additional jubilee bunting sticking out of her arse”.

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Related articles by Tom Pride:

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Lib Dems have a cunning plan to win Eastleigh. They’ve abandoned Nick Clegg.

Tory MP tweets joke about Reeva Steenkamp’s death. Then desperately tries to delete it.

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Researchers discover prehistoric dinosaurs once thought extinct at heart of Tory Party

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AK 47s and swastika flags. The face of today’s Conservative Party?

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