Tags

, ,

(satire?)

A team of physicists has provided what has been described by the journal Nature as the “clearest evidence yet” that Nick Clegg is not real but is in fact a holographic 2D projection on the extreme boundaries of rational thought and common sense.

The new research could help reconcile one of modern physics’ most enduring paradoxes: the apparent inconsistencies between the different models of the universe as explained by Liberal Democrat manifestos and observations by scientists that Nick Clegg tends to consistently do the complete opposite of them.

The two new scientific papers are the culmination of years’ of work led by Yoshifumi Hyakutake at the Ibaraki University in Japan, and deal with hypothetical calculations of the huge inconsistencies in the behaviour of Lib Dem politicians once they come into close proximity to sources of power such as cabinet titles and ministerial expense accounts.

The idea of the Liberal Democrat leader existing as a ‘hologram’ doesn’t refer to a Matrix-like illusion, but the theory that the ‘liberal‘ or ‘democratic‘ dimensions we perceive are actually just “painted” onto Mr Clegg’s statements – most of which are actually located at the extreme boundaries of common sense and rational understanding.

This single-dimensional model of the Liberal Democrat universe helps explain some baffling and previously unexplained inconsistencies between general relativity of Lib Dem promises before elections and the reality of how they’d actually do and say anything for even just the chance of a seat at a cabinet table.

Although Einstein’s work underpins much of modern physics, at certain extremes (such as in the middle of a black hole created by a fusion of Conservative and Liberal Democrat ministerial ambitions) the principles of Liberal Democrats he outlined break down and the illogical laws of David Laws, Danny Alexander and Nick Clegg take over.

.

Related articles by Tom Pride:

Three scientific reasons why (a few) people still vote Lib Dem

Scientists Succeed in Growing Missing Teeth on Liberal Democrats

Liberal Democrats decide jobs and economy are not important enough to debate

57 out of 58 Lib Dems voted with Tories to cut pay for low-waged farm workers

Nick Clegg pledges clampdown on harassment of hot Lib Dem peers by women

Nick Clegg scoops best actor Oscar for performance in sci-fi fantasy Total Lack of Recall

Missing Tory Eastleigh by-election candidate Maria Hutchings turns up at US auction

Fresh outbreak of Foot-in-Mouth in Eastleigh as attempts to quarantine Tory candidate fail

All Lib Dem MPs in England and Wales to be microchipped by 2015

Liberal Democrat to stand for far-right English Democrats in Eastleigh by-election

Zoologists – Vince Cable and Ed Balls ready to mate soon

Revealed! Nick Clegg’s secret love going back to his student days

.

Please feel free to comment – you don’t need to register and I’m extremely minimal with the moderating – so please go ahead.

.

If you click on any of these buttons below, you’ll be doing me a favour by sharing this article with other people. Thanks: