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(satire – sort of)
In the most radical clampdown on the work-shy yet, Iain Duncan Smith will announce that unemployed babies will be found compulsory 30 hour-a-week work placements and if they fail to turn up for job interviews their parents will lose their child benefits for at least three months.
The Welfare Secretary will announce the move as part of a groundbreaking package of measures aimed at reforming the benefit culture by ensuring unemployed 0-3 year-olds do not receive benefits without having first worked for them.
In one of the most controversial measures, the Government will bring in compulsory work placements for 6 -18 month-olds, whereby unemployed babies who are judged to be failing in their efforts to find work will be given an “extra push”.
There will, however, be harsh sanctions for those infants who refuse to co-operate.
Those babies forced to take up Work Activity Placements will be expected to spend 30 hours a week for four weeks at a time in a local business or project benefiting the community.
If they do not attend or fail to complete the placement a “significant” financial sanction will be imposed, such as withholding their rattles for at least 3 months, or cutting back on the amount of their mother’s breast milk they are allowed to consume.
One government source close to the plans said:
We know there are still some newborn babies out there who need an extra push to get them into the mindset of being in the working environment.
At the moment, most babies are unappealing prospects for employers looking to fill vacancies, especially as many of them tend to dribble a lot and pooh themselves every couple of hours.
The goal is to break the habit of worklessness among nursing children.
Britain has one of the highest rates of infant worklessness in Europe, with 1.9 million children living in homes where not one member of the family under 3 years old has a job.
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Pride's Purge 
Quite right too,everybody self defining as “hard working taxpayer” has always “worked all their lives”-next step is to satisfy “never taken any benefits”I missed out as during a thirty year period of paid employment I never knew the “hard working tax payer” option was open to me,the Government is however doing its best to relieve benefits.
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The too posh to push babies start their lives in this class ridden society on easy street, from there onwards ‘things can only get better’, so the 5% richest in society need to be taken out of the equation of working infants.
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Oh, you bleeding hearts annoy me! I’m 34 months old, and have been working for 31 of them. You’ve probably seen me in those ads for disposable nappies and baby food. Yes, I know that I look adorable, much better looking than your average baby, but the other babies just don’t try hard enough. If I can do it, anyone can; Daddy’s job in the advertising agency helped, but I did it on my own merits. Those unemployed babies are just looking to blame someone for their own shortcomings; bludgers looking to suck on the public teat. PS: Daddy helped me with the keyboard, but the ideas are my own.
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*Did it ever cross your mind that the billions of £s worth of tax-payer’s money this gov keeps giving to other countries, is just forcing them into becoming workshy benefit scroungers? Camers endlessly showers countries with English dough and deliberately makes other countries into what the terribly generous (£50 a week) dole money has supposedly done to (according to IDS) to the unemployed here. This disgustingly generous side to the tories should be made public knowledge, as only YOU KNOW HOW! Trapping countries on Foreign Aid handouts…………stir it up! all the best Ann.*
On Sun, Mar 31, 2013 at 6:06 PM, Pride’s Purge
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Reblogged this on kickingthecat.
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maybe baby
It appears you are suffering from foot in door syndrome as well as foot in mouth one.
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Typical rabid leftie hate mongering by Tom Pride!
It is grossly unfair to hard working babies when they can plainly see that other skiver babies from large multi teated shirker second class families (who incidentally leave the curtains closed until the second feed on their £800,000 five bedroom carry cots paid for by clean living hard working striving Tory babies) can suckle from both teats whenever they want to.
The too posh to push privately delivered babies are not part of the equation and they thoroughly deserve their gold plated teething rings. Because of their tendency to poo themselves and dribble at the prospect of a quick suckle of their nannies teat they will of course automatically take their seat in the House of Lords where such behaviour is their birthright.
The sanctions are designed solely to encourage underactive babies to work for their living like everybody else has to.
The ready availability of breast milk supplemented by state funded rusks have feather bedded a whole generation of babies who are unfairly condemned to a life on milk tokens, and the lives of these workshy British infants can only improve after a spell of voluntary forced labour sorting bootees and cardigans for IDS’s nan. The surplus breast milk will form part of Camoron’s overseas aid package to discourage Muslim babies from spitting their dummies at us or hurling rattles in our direction.
Next week IDS will reveal his plans to clear childrens wards as part of his mission to encourage children with life threatening diseases to either get better now or die, so that the burden on the state can be eased to allow too posh to push babies to continue to receive bonus disposable nappies.
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Reblogged this on Ned Hamson Second Line View of the News and commented:
Too bad not for work-shy Tories
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Too right: IDS: Get on the case and offer them a ‘creche course’ in adopting the standard work-a-day mindset!! The working promotional motto for this scheme could be touted [teated?] as : “Out of the womb, and into the workplace! 🙂
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Someone should link this in the Daily Mail comments section, so we can all piss ourselves laughing when they take it seriously and leave comments such as ‘about bloody time!’
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lol. next it will be our pet dogs,cats, budgies, gerbils etc etc etc. can see my little JR doing work of any kind. he wont jump a hurdle that’s sup[posed to be fun never mind work hurdles. never chased a rabbit or rat though has chased a cat off his property. mind of his own.,will do what he wants when he wants and if its too windy he refuses to go outside at all. (rescue dog so dont blame me for being too soft.lol..he was like it when i got him 5 years ago and i cant change him the little softie.
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Let us Hope and Demand that Child Labour does Not Return to this Slavery Isle
” Great Britain ” as I am Sure that there are Slave Drivers out There in Nazi
Britain who would Welcome that
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