Pride’s Purge is taking a break from politics with an interesting article on what to do after a car crash – by car crash expert Mr Iain Duncan Smith
What to do in the event of car crash
by Iain Duncan Smith
It’s not something we like to think about, but car crashes happen – and it’s important you know what to do if you’re caught up in the wreckage of one of your failed policies. As an expert with many years of experience of car crashes, I’ll show you the steps you need to take immediately after a car crash to stop a bad situation from getting worse.
Immediately after a car crash:
1. Don’t Stop!
However major you think the car crash is, NEVER EVER stop – especially if someone got hurt by the impact of your actions. In fact, failing to continue as if nothing has happened is an offence under the Member of Parliament Code of Conduct.
2. Call for assistance immediately
Take a look around the wreckage you have caused and if anyone has been injured, carefully switch on your engine, check your mirrors and continue your journey as if nothing has happened.
However, assistance should be called upon if the car crash can be blamed on the driver of the other party – particularly Labour. In such cases you should IMMEDIATELY call the nearest Daily Mail journalist.
3. Collecting details after a car accident
After a serious policy car crash, it is always advisable to collect the names, addresses and contact numbers of anyone else involved that you could possibly shift the blame onto.
You should at all times avoid saying sorry or accepting blame for the crash until a convenient point in the future when you can be sure the public will have forgotten all about it.
You may find it useful to take photos of previous car crashes caused by other parties to distract from your own wreckage.
You should also, if possible, collect the names, addresses and contact numbers of any witnesses to the car crash in order to ensure they can be either bought off or intimidated into keeping quiet at a later date.
That’s the basics. Keep them in mind and – like me – you should happily survive even the worse policy car crashes.
Mr Iain Duncan Smith is Secretary of State for Car Crashes in the coalition government.
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