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(satire?)
The government has announced plans to hand over the running of the whole of England and Wales to private security firm G4S in a move which ministers say will bring significant improvements to their workload and personal bank balances.
The international company – which has already been contracted to run everything from rape referral centres to children’s homes in the UK – will take over the entire management of the two countries from government ministers on a contract which is expected to run for 30 years.
The company announced that trained G4S workers working on an hourly rate of £6.50 an hour will help man the two countries, assisting with making decisions about foreign policy, running the countries’ health and education services as well as providing advice on how members of the public can access optional services such as provision of water, gas, electricity and air for an extra fee.
A spokesperson for G4S said:
We are very pleased to be working with the UK government to be able to provide people who live in England and Wales with easy access to their countries at a reasonable price.
This contract will enable government ministers to spend more time on holiday while at the same time ensuring we get to line our pockets with yet more taxpayers’ money for basic services you’ve already paid for anyway.
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Related articles by Tom Pride:
G4S are now teaching and looking after our children. Are we all mad?
Privatisation and handover of policing to G4S is already well underway…
Not satire – prisoner escaped curfew after G4S mistakenly tagged his false leg!
Oh dear! G4S were in charge of security at airport which let 9/11 hijackers slip through.
Serious Breach Of Security As Worker Smuggles Can of Pepsi Into Olympic Park
G4S have their own corporate song – but maybe these would be more appropriate ……
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brett said:
You talk as if this had not already happened
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bobchewie said:
Look what Weve got coming
[PDF]g4s fire crews helped tackle a huge blaze at the nakumatt …
http://www.g4s.com/en/…/04-07_fire.ashx
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Andy Birss (@1957AJB) said:
If the Coalition has its way G4S will be able to arrest you, transfer you to court, defend you, imprison you, rehabilitate you and then find you a (minimum wage) job when you get released from jail.
They will probably then fit you up for a crime that you haven’t committed so they can put you through the whole process again.
All nice taxpayer cash flowing into the G4S coffers-And I believe they have come up with a new company song too:
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Aynuck said:
G4S have launched a recruiting drive in prisons run by them for part time directors with ministerial experience, ex cons can also apply as part of their rehabilitation to enable them to move quietly back to full governmental status as peers when they think that all is forgiven and forgotten.
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bobchewie said:
Buckles leaves G4S….at last.
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/business/analysis-and-features/not-secure-any-more-g4s-boss-heads-for-exit-at-last-8626313.html
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bobchewie said:
The net throws up weird shit sometimes
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3am said:
Reblogged this on 3am.
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gogwit said:
Reblogged this on Gogwit's Blog and commented:
Sadly has the ring of truth about it. The reality of creeping privatisation makes this a very dark piece of humour. Take the time to check out the related links on this page.
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nuggy said:
they’ll probably manage to lose wales.
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No Ta said:
Of course, what gives away the story as being phoney is that the contract is only 3 years. The Government wouldn’t give G4S anything less than 9 years! Get it right!!
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