Just a week after buying an NHS Hospital, new owner Circle Healthcare has vowed to live up to its name and cut all corners when providing services at its new acquisition Hinchingbrooke Health Care in Cambridgeshire. A spokesperson for Circle explained:

We used to be called Square Healthcare but we started to cut corners and so we changed our name to Triangle. In the end we cut so many corners we didn’t have any left, so we decided to call ourselves Circle instead.

When asked why they would want to cut corners when it could put patients’ lives at risk, the spokesperson explained:

Normally, there are many sides to consider in the provision of healthcare – cost, quality, safety, value for money to the tax payer, quality of staff etc etc. Circle however, unlike every other shape, is completely one-sided. We only care about profit.

A government spokesperson said:

When we were looking for someone to flog NHS hospitals to, we decided we would need an organisation which was able to circumnavigate regulations, be willing to run rings around regulators, be good at spinning when necessary and be chosen from among a small enclosed clique of our friends. Therefore, Circle was the obvious choice.


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