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A deadly organism has been discovered lurking and hiding in the corridors and wards of our hospitals – a source of irritation so dangerous even doctors are being forcibly kept away from contact with it – amid concerns by healthcare organisations that within a matter of weeks every hospital in the country could be at risk from its damaging effects if it is not stopped.

Medical experts up and down the country are fighting a losing battle to defeat the harmful organism  – known as Andreus Lansleylococcus – and prevent it from taking a permanent hold over our healthcare system despite so far being completely resistant to everything the medical profession has tried to use against it.

The type of infection caused by the organism – commonly known as commercialisation – is thought to have originated in the US and affects mainly the pockets of patients. It has devastated healthcare provision in the US, especially to the poorest and most vulnerable patients, and doctors are worried it could soon do the same over here

A spokesperson for just about every organisation representing healthcare professionals in the UK explained the concerns of those working in the NHS about the new threat:

Andreus Lansleylococcus is in danger of not only putting individual patients’ lives at risk but could devastate the very foundations of our healthcare system. We are extremely concerned by the fact this very persistent and tenacious parasite seems to be completely out of control and is impervious to our every attempt to stop it from spreading.

Experts have for some time been warning that the looming crisis is being exacerbated by over-prescription of media sedatives which have fuelled complacency amongst the public who fail to recognise the seriousness of the threat to their future healthcare.

It is thought that even if the deadly bug can finally be defeated, it will be at least 2015 before anything can be done to stop it.

A medical expert explained the dilemma facing the healthcare community:

We’d got used to curing these kinds of problems with no more than a little prick but now we’ve come to realise it’s the little prick itself that is in fact the problem. Well, quite a big prick actually.


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