(satire?)
Pride’s Purge is taking a break from politics with an interesting article on what to do after a car crash – by car crash expert Mr Iain Duncan Smith
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What to do in the event of car crash
by Iain Duncan Smith
It’s not something we like to think about, but car crashes happen – and it’s important you know what to do if you’re caught up in the wreckage of one of your failed policies. As an expert with many years of experience of car crashes, I’ll show you the steps you need to take immediately after a car crash to stop a bad situation from getting worse.
Immediately after a car crash:
1. Don’t Stop!
However major you think the car crash is, NEVER EVER stop – especially if someone got hurt by the impact of your actions. In fact, failing to continue as if nothing has happened is an offence under the Member of Parliament Code of Conduct.
2. Call for assistance immediately
Take a look around the wreckage you have caused and if anyone has been injured, carefully switch on your engine, check your mirrors and continue your journey as if nothing has happened.
However, assistance should be called upon if the car crash can be blamed on the driver of the other party – particularly Labour. In such cases you should IMMEDIATELY call the nearest Daily Mail journalist.
3. Collecting details after a car accident
After a serious policy car crash, it is always advisable to collect the names, addresses and contact numbers of anyone else involved that you could possibly shift the blame onto.
You should at all times avoid saying sorry or accepting blame for the crash until a convenient point in the future when you can be sure the public will have forgotten all about it.
You may find it useful to take photos of previous car crashes caused by other parties to distract from your own wreckage.
You should also, if possible, collect the names, addresses and contact numbers of any witnesses to the car crash in order to ensure they can be either bought off or intimidated into keeping quiet at a later date.
That’s the basics. Keep them in mind and – like me – you should happily survive even the worse policy car crashes.
Happy wrecking!
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Mr Iain Duncan Smith is Secretary of State for Car Crashes in the coalition government.
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Related articles by Tom Pride:
Iain Duncan Smith to undergo surgery after tests reveal severe shrinkage of the heart
The remarkable similarities between Fritz Sauckel and Iain Duncan Smith
Iain Duncan Smith and Universal Credit – a case of a tool blaming his workmen?
Iain Duncan Smith bullied aide to tears over his expenses claims for – underwear!
Etymological maps of common words like ‘clegg’, ‘cameron’ and ‘duncan smith’
Only one problem with the government’s list of top ten benefits fraudsters – it doesn’t exist
Government Announces Clampdown On Work-Shy Babies
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Pride's Purge 
You could rewrite the script of ‘Planes, Trains and Automobiles’ on this lot and retitle it to ‘caskets, baskets and duck houses’.
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Reblogged this on kickingthecat.
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IDS must have known the Bastard that hit Me !
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IDS probably WAS the bastard that hit you.
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Quite possibly – and deliberately if he know my politic 🙂
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Reblogged this on Beastrabban’s Weblog and commented:
Excellent advice on what to do in the case of a car crash, by the master of car crash politics, Ian Duncan Smith. We look forward to his further advice, gained from his experiences with Universal Credit, on train wrecks.
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Let’s hope someone with a powerful car and a heavy foot spots the bloody fuckwit trying to cross the road.
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its a wonder his policys wernt underwritten by Unum the biggest denial firm in his history
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Pingback: Advice on what to do after a car crash - by car...
It would appear from this that Mr Smith has another piece of advice to offer on such accidents. Along the lines of crash your car again as quickly as possible.
His Department is pressing ahead with a reconfiguration of the State Pension
“The Department for Work and Pensions (DWP) has issued a tender looking for additional digital services capabilities to help it build the beta phase of the Single Tier Programme’s (STP) digital capability.
The Single Tier Programme will replace the existing basic and additional state pensions with a flat-rate state pension.”
They are essentially going down the same road as they used for UC.
Here are some of the tender specs. It reads like gobbledegook but the key phrase is; “an agile project culture”
“The tender says that DWP has “reinforced an agile project culture into the team to allow the design and build of digital public services to become part of business as usual”.”
http://central-government.governmentcomputing.com/news/dwp-looks-for-digital-services-to-deliver-single-tier-beta-4219276
“Agile” is explained here;
“An agile approach means splitting up complex problems into smaller components which can be worked on individually’ testing elements using feedback and learning from mistakes’ responding as new technology becomes available’ and including users within the development process to ensure the ensure the result meets their needs.
A spokesman for the DWP told Government Computing that the agile approach to building universal credit is “successful”, however.”
http://central-government.governmentcomputing.com/news/lga-revise-agile-approach-to-universal-credit
The key phrase is at s.16 of the LGA’s written evidence;
“We are concerned that key assumptions enabling an “Agile” systems development approach to meet the government’s ambitious timescale for Universal Credit are not grounded in reality and that if plans are not revisited now, additional costs will be incurred not just by central government, but also by councils which will incur the increased costs in dealing with and supporting UC claimants”
Click to access 576.pdf
It would appear that the Departments is still ” not grounded in reality”
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