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(satire – sort of)

ONS data shows volume of ministerial common sense fell by 0.6% in January – against economists’ expectations of a 0.5% rise

Fears that Britain may be heading towards an unprecedented triple-dip recession flared again as economists reported a further surprise drop in governing rationality last month.

Despite surveys suggesting a rise in crisis management across the cabinet in January, the Office for National Statistics said the volume of sound government judgement fell by as much as 0.6% in January.

This followed a revised 0.3% drop in capability from the chancellor George Osborne in December – reflected in a number of high-profile casualties such as savvy and integrity across the country.

James Knightley, economist at ING, said:

The overall high levels of ministerial ineptitude are adding to downward pressure on sterling – fuelling genuine concerns by investors over the real possibility that the prime minister and the chancellor might both actually be a couple of incompetent knobs.

It’s also possible the fact that the economy seems to be in the hands of a bunch of sociopathic out-of-touch toffee-nosed twits who wouldn’t know how to organise a piss-up in a brewery never mind run a country – could well be one of the factors putting potential investors off.


Related articles by Tom Pride:

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Police called to George Osborne’s home after reports his lights on but nobody at home.

More People Believe In The Loch Ness Monster Than In Osborne’s Ability To Run Economy

UK suffers worst double-dipstick chancellor in 50 years

Did you know the name Gideon is Hebrew for ‘Destroyer’. Really.

George Osborne Is Not A Wanker – He’s A Genius!

Countdown – red faces as contestant spells out naughty word from OBSOREN

ONS Figures – Osborne’s inflated claims reach new 3 year high

Loss-Making Osborne To Be Sold Off to US Conglomerate


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