(satire)
Officers from the Metropolitan Police have confirmed they were called to the official home of George Osborne last night after receiving reports that an intruder may be in number 11 Downing Street.
However, in a bizarre twist, the police discovered the intruder was in fact Mr Osborne himself – and after establishing his only job previous to being put in charge of the nation’s finances was as a towel folder in Selfridge’s they cautioned him for attempted mass fraud, blackmail and daylight robbery of the nation.
Mr Osborne was supposed to have been attending a drinks party he had arranged at the headquarters of Fuller’s brewery but due to a mix-up over dates he returned home early. The party was a reunion of the infamous Bullingdon Club – from his days as a hard-drinking undergraduate student at Oxford University – but neighbours became suspicious after noticing the chancellor’s lights were on despite clearly nobody being at home.
A spokesperson for the Metropolitan Police also confirmed reports that Mr Osborne failed an informal test for excessive consumption of alcohol conducted by the officers which involved being asked to touch his elbows with his forefingers.
In a statement, the Met’ spokesperson said:
Police officers were called to 11 Downing Street after reports the resident’s lights were on but nobody was in fact at home. After further investigation, it was ascertained that the resident – a Mr George Osborne – had returned home early after he had been unable to organise a private drinks party in a brewery and was then cautioned when officers established he was unable to differentiate his elbow from any other part of his body.
.
Related articles by Tom Pride:
More People Believe In Loch Ness Monster Than In Osborne’s Ability To Run Economy
UK suffers worst double-dipstick chancellor in 50 years
Sheffield man left with nothing after falling victim to Westminster conmen
Summer boost for UK economy as Osborne takes holiday from running it
George Osborne faces calls from leading economists for U-turn on fecklessness
George Osborne Is Not A Wanker – He’s A Genius!
Top Tories – Osborne not fit to run the country into the ground, just its economy
George Osborne ‘shocked’ at level of his own tax avoidance
What if George Osborne doesn’t know he’s the Chancellor?
Did you know the name Gideon is Hebrew for ‘Destroyer’. Really.
Countdown – red faces as contestant spells out naughty word from OBSOREN
Loss-Making Osborne To Be Sold Off to US Conglomerate
.
Please feel free to comment – you don’t need to register and I’m extremely minimal with the moderating – so fire away.
.
By the way, if you click on any of these buttons below, you’ll be doing me a huge favour by sharing this article with other people. Thanks:
A Must Read for a Weekend Laugh Out Loud!
LikeLike
Loved it, brewery knees up failure, only George turned up for one of the biggest events on his calender, unlike Teresa May he got his dates right.
LikeLike
The link tells us he ‘worked at Selfridges re-folding towels’: does that mean he didn’t get it right the first time?
LikeLike
Pingback: Osborne – The Irony Chancellor! « Pride's Purge
Pingback: What if George Osborne doesn’t know he’s the Chancellor? « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Internet Guru Michael Green Denies Being Chair of Shady Political Party « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Conservative Party pulls out of Conservative Party conference « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Osborne Vows To Reduce Budget Deficit From £14.4bn To Talking About Curtains « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Osborne skilfully steers us out of the recession he skilfully steered us into. Genius or ironic? « Pride's Purge
Pingback: George Osborne admits recovery taking longer than expected from the effects of his own incompetence « Pride's Purge
Pingback: George Osborne admits recovery taking longer than expected from the effects of his own incompetence | An Average American Woman
Pingback: MAIL EXCLUSIVE – Kate’s morning sickness due to Gordon Brown’s profligacy « Pride's Purge
Pingback: More People Believe In Loch Ness Monster Than In Osborne’s Ability To Run Economy « Pride's Purge
Pingback: An APOLOGY to Rt Hon George Osborne MP from Tom Pride « Pride's Purge
Trouble is Osbourne talks out his arse ,so no wonder he can’t tell his arse hole from his elbow.Keep up the good work
LikeLike
LMAO!
LikeLike
Pingback: Tories Blame Brown Administration for Failure of World to End « Pride's Purge
Pingback: The 12 Biggest Coalition Cockups of 2012 « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Deeper Recession Looms as Prime Ministerial Output Slumps « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Deeper Recession Looms as Prime Ministerial Ability Slumps « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Satirists demand end to ministerial self-parody as ‘savage’ government gall begins to bite « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Osborne blames too much ‘snow’ for his putting the UK at risk of a triple-dip recession « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Economists – surprise drop in government sanity fuels fears of triple-dip recession « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Scientists – no link between destruction wrought by Osborne and Asteroid 2012 DA14 « Pride's Purge
Pingback: 4G Auction – Osborne goes one better and shows he knows neither the price NOR the value of anything « Pride's Purge
Pingback: Osborne attacks Osborne’s failure to keep Osborne’s pledge to keep AAA rating broken by Osborne | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Osborne on the loss of UK’s AAA rating – “Heads I win, tails you lose!” | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Osborne Blames NatWest Computer Glitch For Dire State Of The Economy | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Osborne to help working families by making it easier for them to get pissed | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Is George Osborne secretly endorsing Liam Fox as next Tory leader? | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Twitter Science – is George Osborne secretly endorsing Liam Fox as next Tory leader? | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Tory treasury nincompoops indicate imminent U-turn on Osborne’s mortgage scheme | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Police spend FOUR WEEKS tracking down mother to shake her hand after she joked about egging PM on Facebook | Pride's Purge
Pingback: George Osborne blames pesticides for disappearance of UK’s AAA status | Pride's Purge
Pingback: ATOS declare George Osborne unfit for work as Chancellor | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Osborne claims Thatcher “over the worst” and well on way to “full recovery” | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Miners agree to be beaten up today in honour of Margaret Thatcher | Pride's Purge
For most men with erectile dysfunction, Viagra works right away.
However there has been a lot misinformation and therefore misunderstanding about
this media proclaimed ultimate wonder drug for men called Viagra and thus we want to see what
exactly it does and does not do. The satibo had little or no effect when tried and I thought maybe
it was a scam and should i bother.
LikeLike
Pingback: Theresa May – senior Tories exempt from public order offences if wearing bicycle clips | Pride's Purge
Pingback: 6 facts that PROVE the Tories are leading the GREENEST government ever! | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Osborne’s Autumn Statement in a nutshell: old people are too expensive. | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Autumn Statement: Britain can no longer afford workshy grannies, warns Osborne | Pride's Purge
Pingback: UK inflation of George Osborne’s economic competence hits 4-year low | Pride's Purge
Pingback: Police called to George Osborne's home after re...