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Officers from the Metropolitan Police have confirmed they were called to the official home of George Osborne last night after receiving reports that an intruder may be in number 11 Downing Street.

However, in a bizarre twist, the police discovered the intruder was in fact Mr Osborne himself – and after establishing his only job previous to being put in charge of the nation’s finances was as a towel folder in Selfridge’s they cautioned him for attempted mass fraud, blackmail and daylight robbery of the nation.

Mr Osborne was supposed to have been attending a drinks party he had arranged at the headquarters of Fuller’s brewery but due to a mix-up over dates he returned home early. The party was a reunion of the infamous Bullingdon Club  – from his days as a hard-drinking undergraduate student at Oxford University – but neighbours became suspicious after noticing the chancellor’s lights were on despite clearly nobody being at home.

A spokesperson for the Metropolitan Police also confirmed reports that Mr Osborne failed an informal test for excessive consumption of alcohol conducted by the officers which involved being asked to touch his elbows with his forefingers.

In a statement, the Met’ spokesperson said:

Police officers were called to 11 Downing Street after reports the resident’s lights were on but nobody was in fact at home. After further investigation, it was ascertained that the resident – a Mr George Osborne – had returned home early after he had been unable to organise a private drinks party in a brewery and was then cautioned when officers established he was unable to differentiate his elbow from any other part of his body.


Related articles by Tom Pride:

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UK suffers worst double-dipstick chancellor in 50 years

Sheffield man left with nothing after falling victim to Westminster conmen

Summer boost for UK economy as Osborne takes holiday from running it

George Osborne faces calls from leading economists for U-turn on fecklessness

George Osborne Is Not A Wanker – He’s A Genius!

Top Tories – Osborne not fit to run the country into the ground, just its economy

George Osborne ‘shocked’ at level of his own tax avoidance

What if George Osborne doesn’t know he’s the Chancellor?

Did you know the name Gideon is Hebrew for ‘Destroyer’. Really.

Countdown – red faces as contestant spells out naughty word from OBSOREN

Loss-Making Osborne To Be Sold Off to US Conglomerate


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