Officers from the Metropolitan Police have confirmed they were called to the official home of George Osborne last night after receiving reports that an intruder may be in number 11 Downing Street.
However, in a bizarre twist, the police discovered the intruder was in fact Mr Osborne himself – and after establishing his only job previous to being put in charge of the nation’s finances was as a towel folder in Selfridge’s they cautioned him for attempted mass fraud, blackmail and daylight robbery of the nation.
Mr Osborne was supposed to have been attending a drinks party he had arranged at the headquarters of Fuller’s brewery but due to a mix-up over dates he returned home early. The party was a reunion of the infamous Bullingdon Club – from his days as a hard-drinking undergraduate student at Oxford University – but neighbours became suspicious after noticing the chancellor’s lights were on despite clearly nobody being at home.
A spokesperson for the Metropolitan Police also confirmed reports that Mr Osborne failed an informal test for excessive consumption of alcohol conducted by the officers which involved being asked to touch his elbows with his forefingers.
In a statement, the Met’ spokesperson said:
Police officers were called to 11 Downing Street after reports the resident’s lights were on but nobody was in fact at home. After further investigation, it was ascertained that the resident – a Mr George Osborne – had returned home early after he had been unable to organise a private drinks party in a brewery and was then cautioned when officers established he was unable to differentiate his elbow from any other part of his body.
Related articles by Tom Pride:
Please feel free to comment – you don’t need to register and I’m extremely minimal with the moderating – so fire away.
By the way, if you click on any of these buttons below, you’ll be doing me a huge favour by sharing this article with other people. Thanks: