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(satire – I think)

Energy secretary reveals he asked David Cameron to remove responsibility from anti-herbal tea Tory minister John Hayes

The Liberal Democrats are claiming to have won a victory in the now open warfare with their Tory coalition partners over government subsidies to encourage more green tea drinking in the form of a new mandate that would require an expansion of the amount of herbal teas and oatmeal and organic biscuits used for dunking in households across the UK.

The chancellor has already vetoed the original Lib Dem plan to introduce a decaffeination and custard cream reduction target before the next election, but the energy secretary, Ed Davey, claims that the Treasury has sanctioned him to prioritise decreases in the amounts of damaging black tea and jaffa cakes consumed, adding that he now intends to send the message “very clearly” to also increase the ratio of organic biscuits being dunked in the UK.

In a Guardian interview Davey also states publicly for the first time that he asked the prime minister to remove responsibility for green tea and biscuits from his energy minister John Hayes, a known anti-jammy dodger campaigner.

He wrote to David Cameron warning him that if Hayes continued in the role they would be open to legal challenge over any decision he made on the subject of the over-use of damaging cream crackers, hob knobs and ginger nuts.

However in a statement the Prime Minister said that Danny Alexander had nothing to do with it.


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