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(Satire? Not sure any more)

UK Sport have confirmed Britain will not be sending a Paralympics team to the 2016 Paralympics in Rio de Janeiro after ATOS declared they hadn’t been able to find any disabled people in the UK.

In a statement, a spokesperson for ATOS confirmed the complete absence of people with disabilities in Britain:

We’re happy to announce that we’ve been testing people for disability benefits for some time now and we haven’t found any disabled people at all.

Clearly they must all have managed to get cured or had their arms and legs grow back or something.

The announcement comes not long after ATOS declared ex-prime minister Margaret Thatcher fit for work and decided to cut the £535,000 in benefits she receives from the taxpayer saying she would be given all the help and unconditional support she needs to find any non-existent job that might come along.

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Related articles by Tom Pride:

ATOS declare Richard III fit for work

ATOS to reduce ‘fit for work’ test to one question: “Are you alive?”

ATOS assessor found blind woman fit for work after “wiggling his fingers” in front of her eyes

Toby Young – disabled children should be excluded from schools

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