Tags

, , , ,

(satire – sort of)

ATOS – the private contractor paid by the government to carry out work capability assessments of disabled people – has declared George Osborne is unable to carry out his duties as chancellor due to “severe disabling conditions such as not being able to count”.

Mr Osborne recently defended parking his car in a disabled parking bay, explaining he is so severely handicapped by his inability to function as Chancellor of the Exchequer that he should himself be parked on disability benefits somewhere far away from the nation’s economy where he can’t do it any more harm.

Some medical experts however, have disputed the results of the assessment. One influential doctor with long experience of assessing disabilities said:

Osborne’s not unfit for work. He’s just a git.

However, a spokesperson for ATOS denied accusations that they had failed to assess the chancellor adequately:

During the assessment, Mr Osborne was asked to touch his elbow with his finger. However, as soon as we discovered he was unable to find his elbow and kept touching his arse instead, we realised the chancellor is in a fact not a git, but just an incurably useless twat.

.

Have your say:

.

Related articles by Tom Pride:

ATOS declare Richard III fit for work

ATOS to reduce ‘fit for work’ test to one question: “Are you alive?”

UK pulls out of 2016 Paralympics after ATOS declares no disabled in UK

ATOS assessor found blind woman fit for work after “wiggling his fingers” in front of her eyes

Toby Young – disabled children should be excluded from schools

An APOLOGY to Rt Hon George Osborne MP from Tom Pride

Police called to George Osborne’s home after reports his lights on but nobody at home.

More People Believe In The Loch Ness Monster Than In Osborne’s Ability To Run Economy

UK suffers worst double-dipstick chancellor in 50 years

Did you know the name Gideon is Hebrew for ‘Destroyer’. Really.

George Osborne Is Not A Wanker – He’s A Genius!

Countdown – red faces as contestant spells out naughty word from OBSOREN

ONS Figures – Osborne’s inflated claims reach new 3 year high

Loss-Making Osborne To Be Sold Off to US Conglomerate

.

Please feel free to comment – you don’t need to register and I’m extremely minimal with the moderating – so please go ahead.

.

By the way, if you click on any of these buttons below, you’ll be doing me a favour by sharing this article with other people. Thanks: