Tags
(satire – sort of)
ATOS – the private contractor paid by the government to carry out work capability assessments of disabled people – has declared George Osborne is unable to carry out his duties as chancellor due to “severe disabling conditions such as not being able to count”.
Mr Osborne recently defended parking his car in a disabled parking bay, explaining he is so severely handicapped by his inability to function as Chancellor of the Exchequer that he should himself be parked on disability benefits somewhere far away from the nation’s economy where he can’t do it any more harm.
Some medical experts however, have disputed the results of the assessment. One influential doctor with long experience of assessing disabilities said:
Osborne’s not unfit for work. He’s just a git.
However, a spokesperson for ATOS denied accusations that they had failed to assess the chancellor adequately:
During the assessment, Mr Osborne was asked to touch his elbow with his finger. However, as soon as we discovered he was unable to find his elbow and kept touching his arse instead, we realised the chancellor is in a fact not a git, but just an incurably useless twat.
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Have your say:
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Reblogged this on HUMAN RIGHTS & POLITICAL JOURNAL.
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Pingback: ATOS declare George Osborne unfit for work as Chancellor | SteveB's Politics & Economy Scoops | Scoop.it
DM reporters on twitter were trying to discredit this story..citing it was his police driver who should have known better…gidiot could have pointed this out to the driver as it was quite apparent having now seen the layout of the car park and area..
to the DM ‘reporter’ it was a ‘non story’ the brendan twat blairite who is now being paid by lord hitler fan crows that tories have ‘won the argument on welfare’…that reminds me of Fox news who declared bush as winner in US election..it aint over not by a long chalk…
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Pingback: ATOS declare George Osborne unfit for work as Chancellor | Welfare, Disability, Politics and People's Right's | Scoop.it
In the wake of recent alarming experience in Swansea, grass roots Conservative Party organisers are now urging Chancellor George Osborne to have the triple IDS vaccine, which immunises Tory ministers against deadly viruses, including: Idiotic policies, Dismal performance, and Stupidity… 🙂
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Very true ..
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One Flew over the Westminster Nest:-
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An in depth assessment of the specific debilitating conditions of members of parliament.
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Dementia Dave. Having forgotten all his election promises Mr Cameron spends most of his days dribbling on the front bench. Occasionally a shrewd look passes over his face when he thinks he’s managed to get away with something but the god-awful smell of him crapping himself soon has the other patients sideling away.
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Genetic George. So called because he is missing relevant chromosomes. This is most apparent in his addled mathematics. His recognition of the decimal point has always been a bit haphazard, such that he regularly confuses millions and £53.
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IDS or, I am a dumb dam thief. Suffering from delusions he is one of the most dangerous of the inmates. He firmly believes that the date is 1937, when £53 was a princely sum to live on for a week. A staunch supporter of Hitler, his eugenics programmes and the ethos that the poor are a disease to be eradicated by any means possible.
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Theresa Blue-tit May. Named after the blue tit-head army of which she has a tenuous grasp and the fact that there would be cold comfort suckling from her breast. She has the unfortunate condition “single white female” exasperated by the glamour model Teresa May. Multiple personality disorders are common among the cabinet members, mostly because it gives them the useful tool, culpable deniability. Some of Ms May’s personas include Thatcher, Napoleon, Stalin and nurse Ratchet
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Nick Cotard Clegg. Cotardism is a rare mental disorder in which people hold a delusional belief that they are dead (either figuratively or literally), do not exist, or are putrefying. He might as well be.
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Eric Pickles. The cookie monster. Although this is mostly true, Eric will in fact eat anything, including Monsanto products. Eric was a CIA/FBI/NSU/ experiment designed to alter the genome of the species. Eric was a successful prototype but unfortunately aged at 15 times normal. He is in fact only 4 years old. Hence his childish behaviour and his propensity for biscuits. He has to date eaten 17 civil servants and can even consume subway/fisher price plastic.
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Please feel free to add or suggest other sick MPs in need of strait jackets.
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Reblogged this on Gogwit's Blog and commented:
Ha! If only.
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TitHeadNews: You’re working well here!! ~ I’d like to hear your take on Jeremy Hunt, who was also a genetic experiment but some of the chromosomes he was implanted with were deficient and have mutated with alarming results…..
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Pingback: Osborne claims Thatcher “over the worst” and well on way to “full recovery” | Pride's Purge
Well it could help if he had ever had any kind of actual business experience, or even worked a few weeks in Woolies on the aniseed balls counter.
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Just found your site. Very funny. You have given me a much needed giggle. Keep it up.
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Whats the difference between Mr Osbourne and a solar powered calculator?
Answer The calculator works, it can do the sums and doesnt require batteries.
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