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(satire?)

David Cameron has warned that while the weather was due to improve, the sheer volume of his incompetence over recent weeks meant groundwater levels of government ineptitude would keep rising in many places.

Despite weather forecasters predicting an “improving picture” with lighter winds and less rain, experts say large numbers of flood-hit residents in southern, south west and central England remain at risk at the government’s inability to do anything other than have endless COBRA meetings in London to help them.

Cameron, who visited flood-hit Chertsey in Surrey before chairing yet another Cobra emergency committee on Saturday, said the next 24 hours would be vital as levels of sheer government indifference were set to rise again:

“Thankfully, it does appear that we will see less rain and wind over the next few days. However, after so much not really giving a toss over recent weeks, levels of cabinet indifference remain very high and in many places will continue to rise as we realise our own houses are not going to be affected.”

Chocolate Teapot

On Saturday night, yellow “be aware” warnings of  government failure were in place for most of the UK and across the south of England, Wales and the Midlands there were also warnings of heavy official uncoordination

And in a further warning to flood-risk areas, the Met Office forecaster Charlie Powell said governing competence could drop rapidly overnight:

“While it’s quite difficult to predict weather conditions with any great accuracy, it’s fairly safe to say the government is about as useful as a chocolate teapot,” he said.

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Related articles by Tom Pride:

Climate-change denier Lord Lawson is an expert – he once wrote a book about dieting

Building supplier cashes in on misery and raises prices of sandbags in flood hit area

Cameron ‘forgets’ to apply for EU money to help flood victims

Tory council charges £7.50 a sandbag and MP refuses to meet flood-hit residents

Cameron’s response to the flooding in a nutshell

Coalition cut flood defence by 27% – Labour increased flood defence by 33%

Cameron announces plan to reduce flooding by forcing it to work in Poundland

Cameron responds to floods crisis by holding a meeting. Named after a snake.

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