Tags

, , , , ,

(satire)

David Cameron said today he fears there is a serious danger that he will be forced to start a “witch-hunt” against gay people if online accusations about paedophiles in the Conservative Party don’t stop.

The prime minister also said he is considering setting up an inquiry to blame the child abuse scandal on drunken Liverpool fans after being unexpectedly handed a list of names of his friends by Philip Schofield on the breakfast programme This Morning, who the ITV1 show’s presenter said were being mentioned online as paedophiles.

Mr Cameron, who did not look at the names, replied with a warning:

There is a danger, if we’re not careful, that this could turn into a sort of witch-hunt – and that’s why I’m extremely worried that it will force me to take the heat off my party colleagues by blaming everything on gays instead. Or maybe scousers because that worked really well the last time we tried it.

Later in the day, Number 10 sought to seize the initiative by issuing its own list of senior Tories who it said could not possibly be paedophiles because they’re not from Liverpool and are not openly gay.

The list of innocent people includes:

  • Lord Alistair McAlpine – three times married – Scottish.
  • Ken Clarke – married – from Nottinghamshire
  • Alan Clark – married, womaniser – from London.
  • Michael Portillo – married – from Hertfordshire.
  • William Hague – married – from London.
  • Liam Fox – married – from Scotland.

A spokesperson for the police who are investigating allegations of a high-level ring of paedophiles involving top Tory politicians issued a statement saying:

We are fully committed to protecting the most vulnerable members of society – such as senior members of the government – from being accused of crimes they might well have committed.

That is why we are doing everything we can to make sure all allegations of child abuse are firmly blamed on scousers or openly homosexual people no matter who they are or how important they may be.

.

Related articles by Tom Pride:

High level child abuse cover-up? Why has Theresa May barred a US journalist from the UK?

EXCLUSIVE – Scottish Lord Admits to Chip Abuse During Thatcher Era

Murdoch attacks BBC when his own press abused a dead schoolgirl and her whole family?

MI5 vetted Savile. And decided paedophilia was nothing to worry about?

Scientists discover dim stars orbitting massive black hole at heart of BBC

Top Paedophile Denies Allegations He Was A Tory

BBC Denies It Was Aware Jimmy Savile Was A Northerner

BBC Panorama investigates BBC Newsnight over BBC scandal of BBC cover-up over BBC scandal

.

If you click on any of these buttons below, you’ll be doing me a big favour by sharing this article with other people. Thanks: