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Squinting into the dark heart of the BBC, astronomers have discovered several old stars orbitting close to a supermassive black hole at the centre of what physicists are calling the broadcasting corporation’s immoral singularity.

The relatively dim stars, known to researchers as J-S, G-G and F-S are so close to the black hole that their deviant orbits take them an average of just 35.5 years to see the light of day. The previous record-holder, JK, took 26 years to make its way around the black hole before it was discovered.

A black hole is a group of degenerate stars of television or radio whose moral mass has collapsed to a point called a ‘degenerate singularity’. Its intense gravity distorts space-time so much that truth cannot escape and the memory of any rational person within the gravitational pull of the degenerate stars seems to be wiped clean forever. The black hole at the center of the BBC is said to contain the mass of hundreds of dim stars which include newly formed stars as well as older dying or extinct stars.

Finding stars in such close proximity to a deviant black hole will allow scientists to test Albert Einstein’s general theory of moral relativity, to see if its predictions about how stars behave when allowed to do whatever they want, hold up under the extreme conditions of complete impunity that are usually found only in the heart of establishment places such as the BBC. 

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