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In a radical new policy initiative to tackle rising joblessness, which has reached an 18-year high, the government has announced plans to increase unemployment in order to reduce it.

A spokesperson for the Prime Minister explained:

The government is sympathetic to the plight of the unemployed and we recognise unemployment is a serious problem which needs to be dealt with urgently, and that is why we are introducing legislation which will allow firms to be able to sack their employees as easily and as quickly as possible.

When asked how sacking people would reduce unemployment, the spokesperson explained:

It is the government’s belief that after employers have sacked a few people they’ll want to employ more people just so they can sack them all over again.

The new policy is believed to have been developed after the success of the Libya campaign where NATO aircraft used a strategy of bombing the country in order to save it. The success of the tactics in Libya means the government is keen to extend the idea to other areas of policy:

We are looking at other areas of concern where we can use the same methods to solve some of the problems the nation is facing, for example in housing, health and education. That is why we will shortly be announcing plans to reduce the number of hospital beds in order to increase them. We have also announced that we will be allowing fast food companies to dictate government health policy in order to reduce the amount of fast food we eat and it may also have been noticed how George Osborne, the chancellor, has been very successful in his policy of shrinking the economy in order to make it grow again.


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