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(satire?)

The Conservative Party has threatened to pull out of what it called ‘the restraints’ of being a member of the human race, if UK courts can’t have the final say over rulings made in Strasbourg, the party has announced.

The decision comes after legal experts warned that not being bound by the conventions of humanity could put the UK on a par with Belarus, Europe’s last remaining dictatorship.

However, in response, Justice Secretary Chris Grayling rejected suggestions that the Tories should consider all-human shortlists to improve the level of human representation in the party.

The controversy comes just a week after scientists at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland claimed to have detected minute sub-atomic traces of integrity residing at the heart of the Tory Party –  albeit in minuscule amounts..

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