This is Toby. Toby thinks he is great. Toby likes to tell other people how they can be great too, just like him. Toby is what we call a ‘right-wing’ person.
But what are ‘right-wing’ people?
Right-wing people are people who think they are great. Right-wing people think other people can be great too, if only other people were a bit more like them. Right-wing people think they know how to do things better than other people.
Some right-wing people even think they know better than experts. If you have a tummy ache, normal people go to a doctor. Normal people listen to the doctor and do what they tell them to do.
But right-wing people don’t like to listen to doctors. Right-wing people think they know better than doctors.
This is Jeremy. Jeremy thinks he knows better than doctors.
Right-wing people also think they know better than firemen how to put out fires. And they think they know better than teachers how to teach. And right-wing people even think they know better than your mum how to look after you.
But right-wing people do like to help people. In fact, a lot of right-wing people spend a LOT of time telling people what to do. For example, right-wing people like to help disabled people by telling them not to be so disabled. And taking their wheelchairs off them.
And right-wing people like to help people who don’t have enough to eat by taking their bedrooms off them.
This is David. David used to be a Prime Minister. Prime Ministers are important. They go to cocktail parties and talk about important things.
Right-wing people like nothing better than to buy and sell things. Right-wing people like to buy and sell everything. Trains, schools, hospitals. They will even buy and sell things that don’t belong to them. Trains, schools, hospitals. Some will even sell you their grannies. If the price is right. Or their souls.
This is Iain. Iain doesn’t have a soul.
Right-wing people don’t like a lot of things. They don’t like working class people. They think their television sets are too big. And they think working class people speak funny. They think if working class people would only speak more like they do, then they could be great people too. Right-wing people don’t much like sick or old people. They think if sick or old people spent less time lying in hospital beds and more time buying and selling things, then they wouldn’t be sick or old any longer. Right-wing people think everything can be made better by buying and selling things. Trains, schools, hospitals. Old age.
How to spot a right-wing person?
Some right-wing people have two faces and have noses which are too high on their faces, causing them to look down on other people. They also suffer from illnesses like severe knee-jerk reactions. Right-wing people’s hearts are often very small. Some right-wing people don’t have any heart at all.
This is Nick. Nick has two faces.
There are a lot of colours right-wing people don’t like. They don’t like brown or black, because they think they’re not white enough. Right-wing people’s favourite colour is white. They think white is better than any other colour. Right-wing people would like everything to be white. White towns, white collars, white golf clubs.
Right-wing people don’t like green. They think only left-wing people should like green. And right-wing people especially hate red. They think red should be wiped off the face of the earth.
Right-wing people like nature. They like nothing better than to spend a day in the countryside, experiencing the rich diversity of wild life that lives there before killing it and putting it on their wall.
This is George. George doesn’t like people who don’t have money.
Right-wing people think everybody who has money is great. They think if people who don’t have money didn’t have such big televisions sets and didn’t speak so funny they could have money too. They think people shouldn’t get themselves born into a family without money. Right-wing people think the best way to make sure families without money have more money, is to give more money to families who have money, and take more money away from families who don’t have much money. Right-wing people like money.
How to tell if you are a right-wing person?
Simply take this one question test to find out if you are a right-wing person:
- Do you think anybody could be great given a chance even if they are not white, rich or able-bodied?
A. No
B. Yes
(Scroll down for answers) …
You answered A – you are probably a right-wing person.
You answered B – you are probably not a right-wing person.
Pride's Purge 
All of the above also applies to the left.
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Spot on as ever Tom!
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Reblogged this on discordion {Artist Ian Pritchard}.
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Oh Tom…so right!
What else can we do to stop these ghastly people ruining lives? xx
>
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Oh no! I just found out that I am probably a right wing person! I answered a) because I think that the system is biased against people who aren’t white, rich or able-bodied? Am I wrong?
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This is too easy,too glib. It wouldn’t take but a moment to translate to “this is X, s/he is of the Left”. Points out so clearly how the right and the left are both wings of the same bird.
We need a new paradigm!
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I see what you mean. I’ve changed the question slightly now.
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Reblogged this on Scottish Economic Analysis Unit and commented:
Oh, this is irreverent.
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Was this written for 10 year olds, or written by a 10 year old?
[Forgot to add that right-wing people don’t have a sense of humour either. Thanks for reminding me.] – TOM
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I believe you are spot on – having said that, right wing people are going to shout that left wing people started it, or left wing people are the same as right wing people.
Not me I might add 🙂
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Pingback: What are right-wing people? – a guide for under 10-year-olds | Pride’s Purge | Jay's Journal
Reblogged this on Worldtruth.
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Pingback: What are right-wing people? – a guide for under 10-year-olds Posted by Tom Pride | wgrovedotnet
You forgot to add that right wing people will also claim that left wing people do all that too, as evidenced by the comments here. (How anyone can claim that the left favours selling everything off and taking money away from the poor to give to the rich is beyond stupid!)
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That’s because a Right Wing Person likes to accuse other people of something that she or he knows fine well to be guilty of.
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We ALL know the left wing don’t do any of the above. Why? Because they are too busy either scrounging off the backs of others, or, borrowing to pay for things that cannot be afforded without loans.
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Excellent.
This is a bill.
Bills should be paid by poor people.
Don’t be like poor people.
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You neglect to mention that right wing people also like rules, they like to protect us from ourselves, to control what we see, hear, say and do. Try watching Gold for a while and count how many times you hear the bleeper go off in programs like One Foot in the Grave and Only Fools & Horses.
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Power corrupts etc. The last time Britain had a properly left-wing government was post 45. Then they didn’t need the media to win the popular vote. Will Corbyn win next time around? It is unlikely but look at how much stick he’s had from his own backbenchers. Remember Beeching (he closed the branch lines)? His report was approved by a Labour Government but instituted by the Conservatives.
So is Tom’s sketch accurate. Yes! Is it left-wing as well? Only a total moron could say that it is but then they probably don’t know the proper meaning of socialist or liberal either. Nice one Tom, keep them coming.
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I’m pretty fucking left-wing but stupid shit like this does not help. Just as bad as those you are trying to lampoon by misrepresenting their views. Acting as if working class people can’t be right wing as well.
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i dont know what sid perkins is on about..
well done as per usual…
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Reblogged this on MAL's MURMURINGS and commented:
Just had to share this educational tool – [by “tool” I do not necessarily mean the Education Minister!]
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@bobchewie, look at his profile. That’ll help. It’s the ‘I’m all right jack disease’ also common among Right wing mini minds.
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Sid Perkins, well done for confirming the elitist stereotype that all Tories have towards anyone with financial difficulty……………..twat!
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Reblogged this on paulh121.
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Most of this is VERY generalised comment and too glib can not rely on most of these statements, and everyone should listened carefully to all statements and then take all with a large plateful of salt!
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Reblogged this on A Munky on Merseyside.
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First off the bat in the reply comments is a right wing pond dweller saying this post applies to the left, thus proving the premise of the post.
Right Wing People are thick.
They are thick because being thick and ignorant is what makes Mr & Mrs Thick feel most comfortable.
Well done Tom
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Pingback: What are right-wing people? – a guide for under 10-year-olds | MAKING AN ASS OF MYSELF
OUTSTANDING commentary on the state of our nation…..sensational piece of writing, well done.
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Reblogged this on steelcityman and commented:
couldn’t resist this reblog… great piece of writing….enjoy, even if you are a right winger…lol
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This is also posted on Vox Political. I’d love to comment but that website won’t accept my comments. Would you be so kind as to tell that host or is this whole thing just a left-wing conspiracy? thank you, Right Wing bloke
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This is more accurate…
http://life.spectator.co.uk/2016/03/a-handy-guide-to-left-wing-people-for-the-under-10s/
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except the spectator is right wing..
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Indeed that’s why the article is about left wing people.
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i love the style. more please
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We really should stop using the term “working class people”. For start no one was born to work, not you not me not even the poor. It sets the wrong tone. The are people who work and work bloody hard who for their own reasons vote Tory. So how the hell do you hope to communicate any message to them. It says I’m only talking to those people who call themselves working class. It’s separatist. If you separate yourself from them because they vote Tory so you don’t class them as working class or rather not worthy of communicating with.
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Right people are people are people who think they are right like a 10 year thinks they are right – because in their minds they are.
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Was this written for 10 year olds, or written by a 10 year old?
[Forgot to add that right-wing people don’t have a sense of humour either. Thanks for reminding me.] – TOM
TOM – seems you’re a right-wing by this definition 🙂
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This was spot on……..a piece on UKIP you might like
https://thebeardysocialist.wordpress.com/2016/03/29/vote-ukip-parody/
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Hi Tom, a great posting but PLEASE avoid using oppressive terms like “able-bodied” and “people with disabilities”.
We are people with impairments and disability does not occur until imposed on us by society. Hence we are “disabled people”. [think: oppressed people]. “Able-bodied” implies that, if your body if “fully able” (whatever that would mean), you would not be a disabled person. However, many disabled people have sensory or learning impairments or mental health issues. The appropriate term is “non-disabled”.
http://www.disabilitybackup.org.uk/language.php
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Why is that people who make sure that you know how right-on and shall we say liberal they are suddenly change their tune when you suggest that they might like to buy a a copy of the ‘Big Issue’ to directly help some vulnerable or homeless person. You will then hear the most unpleasant, borderline fascist ideas from them, no compassion, no humanity, no inclusive spirit, no charitable instincts even.
Only a few years ago I over-heard quite a young man, obviously public school-educated use the expression, ‘lower-class area’ in conversation. There really is no hope in the 21st century if quite obviously very old fashioned and elitist ideas about status are being taught in certain schools.
Probably the worst fascist I knew was somebody I went to school with. At 16 he could only have received his personal philosophy at home by then. After telling me how much he admired the ‘Together-we-stand-divided-we-fall,’ maxim he went on to correct me for using the term ‘wroking-class’ by saying ‘we are all working class.’
To actually deny a whole section of society their identity like that was and is one of the most vicious things I have ever witnessed. This same person told me he had sexual fantasies about one Mrs Thatcher and no we were not attending some private school.
It is surprising how the excesses of the Thatcher era were quite openly praised by lots of people back in the 1980s and how the same values seem not only wrong as they appeared to me then, but deeply distasteful, almost something you wouldn’t talk about too openly now.
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Reblogged this on larafashiontrend.
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There are a huge number of errors and misconceptions here, for example ” right-wing people even think they know better than your mum how to look after you” = maybe they could explain this in terms of the left wing SNP named person policy and the Tories opposition to it? What he has done is write at a 10 year old’s level of misunderstanding : thinking in French revolution terms of left and right wing, instead of also taking into account the spectrum from totalitarianism and libertarianism. Many of the examples he uses are anathema to libertarian right wingers but bread and butter to left wing totalitarians. Where on his spectrum are the socially liberal fiscally conservatives? This is just dire, offensive misunderstood cliché written with no sense of the nuances of modern political thought. Bad show.
[Think you might be taking the blogpost a tad too seriously. It’s a spoof. Chill out.] – Tom
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Glib, specious tripe littered with logical fallacies. I am no supporter of right wing thought but if this is the best we can muster as opposition then heaven help us all.
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If Right wing people don’t like the colour red, why do they wear it when they are riding around the countryside slaughtering the wildlife? or is it a cunning ploy to shift the blame?
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This article is very ethnocentric. Right and Left differs from country to country.
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Reblogged this on Feminist Thoughts from Harrogate.
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from across the pond…this is wonderfulness to the extreme, someday I’ll control myself to be so kind…Thanks for Being
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How can anyone think that “All the above applies to the Left”. The left do NOT punish sick and disabled people. The problem with the left is that they think they are wonderful and that everyone is as wonderful as them……then their generosity gets taken for a ride and is resented by the right who simply ‘know’ they are better than everyone.
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My last comment has been taken out of context because the quote didn’t post!!!! The quote was ‘All the above applies to the Left”
[I’ve put the quote in now] – TOM
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I’m afraid the Speccie wins. Well written and very funny. Since we are generalising here, the problem with much of the influential left-wing is that it is totally removed from the people it pretends to espouse. I came across this article because it was ‘shared’ by someone whose life revolves around designer shopping and expensive restaurants. The children are, of course, privately educated.
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Well written and funny but the Nick bit is very wide of the mark. You may not like him personally but Nick and his Lib Dem party kept the Conservative Party from inflicting the evil on the nation during the coalition that they are now doing without anyone to stop them.
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You forgot that the right wing person is more stupid and less empathic than a left wing person. That the right wing persons “get out of jail free” card is to call poor (or not white) left wing people “leftie” which immediately disproves anything the other person says no matter how factually correct it is. If there is a traitor.. a left wing person with money then just reply “you are a champaign socialist ” which does the same as the above . Lastly all right wing people must read either the sun , the mail or the telegraph. These are always factually correct and are templates on how to think correctly.
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THere’s a mistake in the comments about George. Should read “George doesn’t like people at all”
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Surely it is left-wingers who think they know better than everyone and for that reason are comfortable with the state controlling industry and taking an ever increasing role in the life of the individual citizen? The Thatcherite belief in privatisation/small state is based (in part) on the Hayekian notion that the state cannot possibly be expert in every single industry, nor simultaneously know all the information that feeds into the complex computer that we call the free market (e.g. how much coffee was harvested in Kenya this year? What is the price of steel? How many engineers are there available to work at my plant? How many rental properties are vacant?). This is part of the reason why socialist planned economies tend to fail, or, for example, why price floors or caps tend to produce undesirable results (e.g. day long queues for basic goods in Venezuela). If the NHS were privatised it would actually be the doctors calling the shots and they would be responsible to their patients as clients and consumers, without interference from meddling politicians. So long as it remains funded by the state, the doctors will have to answer to their paymasters (as we all ultimately do).
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Remember – a bird with one right wing can only fly in left-hand circles.
(Ironically, when I said this to a die-hard member of the American John Birch Society years ago, he didn’t find it funny.)
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what’s all this left wing right wing shit…you all have arms!!!!!!!!!!
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Ignorance is bliss, but maybe right “the righteous mind” if you haven’t already.
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Reblogged on https://stevenhpape.wordpress.com/
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Clearly written by someone who is poor and a mouth breather. Not to mention a bitter cunt.
[Touched by your concern for my bank balance but I’m OK financially at the moment thanks. And thanks also for reminding me most right-wing people don’t have a sense of humour either. Or exhibit much wit or eloquence when it comes to discussion. So cheers.] – TOM
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A guide for under 10 year olds written by someone with the mentality of an under 10 year old.
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I believe Nick clegg went against the will of the people to have a hung Parliament. Lib Dems were punished for their skulduggery in giving credibility to tories by their deselection by the people.
the current tories are evil, uncaring, lack morals, and are supported by the greedy minority, who are uneducated and lack political awareness. Tories have always acquired governing power by default due to the apathy of those who dont trust any politicians.
The labour party became an imitation of tories under Blair.
The explanation for 10 year olds is sorely needed for those right wing followers who delude themselves into a wrong belief they will derive benefit from tory policies.
To them i will say remember the holocaust? and Thatcherite policies of selling off the railways energy companies etc. the assertion that this would reduce energy bills and create a better service delivery were found to be lies.
she went to her grave being despised by the vast majority of UK people. There are calls for Tony Blair to be indicted for war crimes and no doubt Cameron will follow the Chinese in terms of loyalty rather than workers in the steel industry. Cameron wants to avoid blame for his policies dividing the UK and the referendum is intended to be a strategy where the media will report that brexit and the EU are responsible for his resignation from politics. His successor will take the blame for the ultimate independence vote of the scottish people.
This will be another behind the doors decision for sturgeon to support the tories in exchange for scottish independence. Ireland will be reunited and wales will eventually realise a need for independence.
Despite all this happening we will never rid ourselves of the greedy and selfish and corrupt, know it all right wingers. they exist due to the human survival instinct being skewed by governing bodies.
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Reblogged this on Welsh Green Leftie.
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What is this infantile nonsense? It smacks of the envious world view of someone who lacks the work ethic or talent to better themselves.
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What an absolute load of leftie crap.
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I am not right-wing. But my answer to
1. Do you think anybody could be great given a chance even if they are not white, rich or able-bodied?
A. No
Because the world isn’t fair. Anybody can’t be great. Only a few achieve greatness.
And by great I mean recognition for outstanding achievement (in the arts, engineering, even -erk- the political world). Selling off a country’s assets in an attempt to achieve budget balance is not great…..nor are a lot of other things.
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“Remember – a bird with one right wing can only fly in left-hand circles.
(Ironically, when I said this to a die-hard member of the American John Birch Society years ago, he didn’t find it funny.)”
All birds only have one right wing.
Hope this helps
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Tom Pride, can you confirm whether or not you have been having homosexual relations with Samuel Bowman of the Adam Smith Institute?
We have reason to believe that there is a genuine sexual relationship on going here and we believe it is important you disclose such a matter.
[As attractive as I’m sure Samuel is, being a director of the ASI I would imagine he’s pretty right-wing. So I would expect any sexual relations I might have with him would prove to be rather fractious. Not to mention I’m over 350 years old – and heterosexual – both of which might also prove to be somewhat of a hindrance to successful sexual relations between us. I notice he did LOL at the blog post on Twitter though, so good for him.] – TOM
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Kind of amused that some people don’t know this is a parody.
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Left wing people – think they know best how to look after you and your family. They think the best way to do this is to take the money and the property and your possessions that you have spent a life time earning and give it to people who have been sitting in their fat arses doing no work since they left school with no qualifications. Left wing people think they should take the wealth and the savings you have built up intending to look after your family and your children and give it to people you don’t know. Left wing people think the state knows best and central command and control economies are the route to health and happiness and chose to ignore the lessons of communist Soviet Union and East Germany. Left wing people build walls to keep people in …. When right wing people contemplate building walls to keep people out because their quality of life and opportunity is so superior.
Do me a favour. Right wing politics and capitalism are far from perfect but they provide a life and a system which is a million times better for the average person than totalitarian regimes based on beardy left wing intel trial claptrap or some religious dogma
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Right wing people can also be seen as religious bigots. These are the scariest people on earth. They hate Asians, they hate Jews, and they insist on imposing their own ignorant views on others by whatever means they can exploit. Fortunately, their views are not received well by the bulk of the population.
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If you look through modern history then you will see that politics is just a cycle.
The Left get power, full of promises they can’t keep, trying to please everybody and destroy the economy.
The people get fed up with this and vote in the Right.
The Right get power, full of promises they can’t keep and spend so long trying to sort out the financial mess that the people get fed up with this and vote in the Left.
The Left get power, full of promises they can’t keep etc etc…..and the wheel turns.
In the meantime you have some politicians who are Right but pretend they are Left to get said power, and vica versa.
You have those in the Centre Left/Right who try to please everybody, but by doing so ruin it for everyone…….
And so on.
We need a new system.
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Are we really split between left and right still? Don’t most people have a world view that is a bit too nuanced to put in one simple box?
Can i not believe in free market economics and also support the concept of the welfare state? Can’t i be pro equality, gay rights etc but also think unrestricted immigration is not necessarily a good thing?
And one final thought, this piece for 10 year olds explaining that right wing people think they know better than anyone else, is written by someone on the left who really knows best, right?
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Rapoport’s Rules: How to compose a successful critical commentary:
1. You should attempt to re-express your target’s position so clearly, vividly, and fairly that your target says, “Thanks, I wish I’d thought of putting it that way”.
2. You should list any points of agreement (especially if they are not matters of general or widespread agreement).
3. You should mention anything you have learned from your target.
4. Only then are you permitted to say so much as a word of rebuttal or criticism.
You’ve failed on every single measure.
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I consider myself to be right wing, but I am far from rich, or well educated. I also think everyone is equal.
Personally, I think this is your typical left article, bashing anyone who thinks even remotely differently. You can’t run an economy with open borders allowing anyone who decides they want to seek refuge in. It’s too much pressure on the existing citizens, and considering no one wants to part with their welfare, or free medical (which is what will be first to go.) then we can’t afford it. Just look at what’s happening in Europe for an example.
The question you ended your article with itself shows that you have little to no knowledge on what left and right actually means. Right wing isn’t about hating anyone who is different, it’s about having a realistic idea on how to keep a stable economy, and keeping the citizens, or general public safe. If that means you need to cut funding somewhere, then unfortunately that’s what has to happen. No government has an infinite amount of money, so it’s either pay more tax or cut funding.
Left wing people, and governments are reckless with money, and are hell bent on trying to please everyone in the short term. They’re too scared to make hard decisions, which might not get a good response from the public at the time, But it’s usually a better decision in the long run.
But as with all you folk on the left, you’ll either call me a racist, or some other kind of “ist”, just for holding a different opinion.
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“Right-wing people are people who think they are great. Right-wing people think everyone can be great too if only other people were a bit more like them. Right-wing people think they know how to do things better than other people.”
This describes every feminist and postmodern “leftist” abroad today.
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Right-wingers put profit before people – if you don’t understand why that is wrong, then count yourself as a right-wing amoral parasite.
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I didn’t notice any urgency on the author’s part stressing that this was a parody when commentators agreed with the article.
[Possibly because you’d have to be pretty thick not to notice it’s a spoof] – TOM
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Most of your readers must be pretty thick then.
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If I may just raise one point of disagreement;
To suggest that IDS has sold his sole requires me to believe that he ever had one in the first place.
Pull the other one! 😉
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Someone suggested this could also be said of the left also. Well….no actually. If the extreme left believes in community living and the same pay for all. That must be a nonsense. Sounds more like an embarrassed ‘my dads bigger than yours’ playground retort to me.
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Whooooo!
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