Tags
Cameron, Clegg, Coalition, hanky-panky, Liberal Democrats, Osborne
(satire?)
The Conservative Party has denied accusations it is getting desperate to win votes after the Prime Minister David Cameron made an ‘absolute commitment’ that all men will have larger penises and most women will have considerably smaller bottoms if the Tories win the general election.
Writing in the Guardian, the chancellor claims the Conservatives will pledge in their general election manifesto, to be launched next week, that they will increase the average length of men’s penises in England and Wales by as much as half an inch, as well as reduce the average size of women’s buttocks by a minimum of at least 1 inch a year until the end of the decade.
The move comes just days after widespread scepticism at the Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg’s pledge that he will publicly nail his scrotum to the floor with a rusty nail in remorse for his actions over the last 5 years if people would just not turf him out at the election, please.
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Pride's Purge 
I notice the pledge only applies to England and Wales. Penis size has been devolved to Scotland for many years now and, unlike Cameron’s pledge, also deals with ‘girth’
I’m glad there will be no further increase in Scotland, it could lead to excessive length, remember, kilts only come down to your knees!
It makes a change though, usually he talks bollocks!
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Only YOU Tom – Thanks for a much needed laugh out loud moment xx
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Reblogged this on sdbast.
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Reblogged this on nearlydead.
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Sure, they’re saying they’re not desperate, but I can’t help thinking this policy pledge is a bit… premature.
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Tories deny desperation: pledge large increases in Dick Heads if they win election
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