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A new 12-sided Vince Cable will be unveiled ahead of the budget today by the Treasury to replace the famously two-faced one now in circulation.

Described as a “giant leap into the future” the new Mr Cable will replace the current Secretary of State for Business who the Treasury says has been too easy to fake.

The present Mr Cable is thought to have an estimated total of more than 45m counterfeit opinions in circulation.

A Treasury spokesman said:

After 4 years’ loyal service the time is now right to retire the current Business Secretary and replace Mr Cable with an even more two-faced one.

Unlike its predecessor, the new Business Secretary – who will be roughly as thick as the existing one – will contain an array of technological advances making it much more difficult for him to fake his opinions.


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