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David Cameron has pledged a free vote in Parliament on punching people in the face who haven’t prepared dinner on time if the Conservatives win the General Election.

The Prime Minister’s pledge to allow a vote on the face punching ban if he has a clear majority after May 7, was last night hailed as the right move by campaigners.

Mr Cameron said he shares people’s frustration at the legislation outlawing the slapping of tardy food preparers in the kisser– which has now been in place for decades – and would like to see the ban repealed.

In a statement to the press, Mr Cameron said a free vote on the right to punch out the lights of anyone not having food ready on time was the right approach and Mr Cameron’s pledge – made in an article in the Countryside Alliance magazine – would mean there was a real possibility of the ban being overturned and would make the topic an election issue:

I have always been a strong supporter of traditional sports and thumping indolent underlings is my sport that I love and I want to be able to do it legally. It would not have been possible over the past five years because overturning the ban on smacking servants in the mouth needs a clear majority of Conservatives in Parliament. A Conservative Government, however, will give Parliament the opportunity to repeal the anti-thumping legislation on a free vote, with a government Bill in government time.


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