(satire?)
Do you wake up each morning feeling stressed and anxious about the workday ahead of you? Do you feel fear and dread at the thought of going into the office?
If so – like a lot of people just before an election – you’re probably worrying that you might be a Lib Dem.
Worry no more!
Here are 5 things successful people do every day to avoid becoming a Lib Dem:
1. When you first wake up, sit down for five minutes with a pen and a piece of paper.
In big letters write down every principle and belief you have ever held. Then carry the paper around with you and keep it somewhere handy so that throughout the day, you can regularly check your list to make sure you haven’t sold any of them. Simple!
2. Say the following words out loud: “Today I am not going to be a lying cumbucket”
Yes, you’re most likely going to feel weird saying this at first. That’s completely fine. Say it in private if you need to, but just say it.
The purpose of this is to pass a command from your conscious mind to your subconscious mind. Your subconscious mind wants to believe what you tell it (good or bad), and it will do whatever it takes to turn those commands into reality.
So when you tell your subconscious mind that today you’re not going to be a dissimulating, double-dealing dickwit, your brain is going to try to do whatever it can to make that happen.
3. Learn to say “no”!
Yep, I know it’s hard, but you really need to stop automatically doing whatever any right-wing Prime Minister who you might bump into throughout the day tells you to do. And that doesn’t mean saying “maybe” or “perhaps” but articulating a clear and resounding “NO”!
This will take some practice, but try saying it out loud a few times to yourself at first to get used to it. Begin with the ‘N’ sound and follow through with a long ‘O’ sound. And while you’re saying it, try really hard to make sure you are not to allowing the letters ‘Y’ ‘E’ or ‘S’ or the phrase “oh alright then, if you say so David” find their way into the middle of the word.
4. Try to spend more quality time with your closest pledges and promises
When you’re busy, it’s really easy to take your closest pledges for granted. But it’s important you spend as much quality time with your most valuable promises in order to get connected and stay connected. Some people choose to meet up with their pledges every Wednesday for example, and the rest of the days they will just spend time with their close promises. Perhaps arrange regular days-out at the zoo or the park for just you and your pledges. It all depends on how you allocate your time.
And don’t forget nearly 100% of Lib Dems end up with broken pledges. So a bit of romance with your chosen vows is important too!
5. Do this bed time routine every night before you go to sleep
If you want to be successful, you need to go through what you did during the day before you go to sleep. And if you discover you’ve spent the day breaking every pledge you’ve ever made and selling out your principles and everything you’ve ever stood for and believed in to the highest bidder for the sake of a seat at a cabinet table and a chauffeur-driven government car – it means you have most probably become a Lib Dem and you MUST take action IMMEDIATELY. Preferably by publicly issuing an apology while at the same time nailing your scrotum to the floor in an act of penance and contrition.
It might not be enough to save you at the next election but at least it’ll make sure you never do it again.
This simple, five-minute practice can help drastically change your attitude and allow you to create the best Lib Dem free future ever, every single day of your life!
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Please feel free to comment. And share.
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The Coalition Government Colouring and Activity Book is now available for download as a PDF and in print:
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burstowrecord said:
Reblogged this on Paul Burstow Record.
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Editor said:
Reblogged this on kickingthecat.
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bobchewie said:
Do you know Tom I think being a lying two faced betrayer must be in a Lib Dem DNA because I know of an ex Libdem councillor who has lied and acted in a deceitful way and let everyone down and betrayed people. Oh and he runs Needleblog too
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bobchewie said:
Tom put it this way. Anyone who had suffered because of being abused as a child by a VIP politician or being lied to by a police officer or knew that there had been cover ups would not be highly recommending Butler Sloss or Fiona Woolf or Justice Goddard would they?
Also when evidence of a video recording of an ex cabinet minister abusing a child and that ex cabinet minister has same initials as the one who recently passed away you would go and suggest that the initials on that video tape stood for ” Lover Boys”
especially when said politician has clearly been identified in that video recording too
So you see what I mean about Lib Dem
councillors would you trust any of them and also the ones in Richmond who had child abuse images whilst being a governor of a primary school too
Is it in their DNA to be untrustworthy and two faced?
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sdbast said:
Reblogged this on sdbast.
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patricknelson750 said:
Reblogged this on patricknelson750.
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patricknelson750 said:
Reblogged this on Patrick Nelson Reblogs Stuff and commented:
There was a brief period during the Blair years when the Lib Dems seemed to be more like real Labour than New Labour had become. At this point I know that a lot of former Labour party supporters (including myself) started to support them for a while. What a load of nonsense they soon realized that was. Charles Kennedy was in many ways closer to what Labour traditionally stood for than Tony Blair was but he was not typical of that party (indeed there have been rumours that he has considered joining Labour in recent years). Nicholas Clegg however is a true Lib-Dem in the same way that Roy Jenkins was – slimy, opportunistic, unprincipled and without strong morals or real substance. Clegg may be from Sheffield, but it is not easy to find people there who actually like him.
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beastrabban said:
Reblogged this on Beastrabban’s Weblog and commented:
In this satire of the self-help books and management manuals cluttering up the shelves of Waterstones, the good Mr Pride reveals these powerful ways you can avoid joining the Liberal Democrats. Basically, it involves actually having some kind of self-respect and moral integrity. Just about everything the Lib Dems lack.
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jaypot2012 said:
Wonderfully eye-watering!
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jaypot2012 said:
Reblogged this on Jay's Journal and commented:
Another great Tom Pride post…
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John Derbyshire said:
The truth is that all our politicians are but actors on the Westminster stage regardless of what colour their rosette. I feel sorry for those who believe that we live in a democracy its nearer a police state. The difference between the East Germans ad the British was the former knew that they lived in a police state and the latter most are unaware of it. When I use the term police I mean the Intelligence and security services, the police and other organisations that protect the British Establishment and their wicked deeds
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