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The leadership of the Labour Party were in crisis talks today after it was revealed that Britain could face severe shortages of tired old TV presenters, has-been pop singers and shite stage magicians if a victorious Labour government introduces its policy of taxing mansions worth more than £2 million after the next election.

The warnings come after key workers in essential public services such as worn-out light entertainment, middle-of-the-road pop music and outdated hackneyed old comedy acts threatened to quit the country should Ed Miliband become the next Prime Minister.

In unrelated news, a new opinion poll indicates Labour could attract as many as 89% of the votes at the next election if it announced policies that would make Gary Barlow leave the country as well as Griff Rhys Jones, Phil Collins and Paul Daniels.


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