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The UK government is to offer the people of Scotland a historic opportunity for their country to receive free school status, it emerged on Saturday night, as a shock new poll gave the campaign for independence a narrow lead for the first time.

In a statement, Alistair Carmichael the Secretary of State for Scotland, Schools, and Other Assorted Unimportant Things – said:

This move shows the UK government is serious in its discussions over Scottish independence. Under these proposals, Scotland will be free to decide on important matters such as school trips, lunch menus and sports days without any interference at all from Westminster.

And in a sign of further tensions between the two sides, Mr Carmichael strongly dismissed claims by Scotland’s First Minister, Mr Salmond, that the country should have complete control over its own budget, including tax raising powers, in the event of a ‘YES’ vote.

In a statement, Mr Carmichael said:

Mr Salmond is a very naughty boy. And if he continues to be this disrespectful he can expect detention. Or even a thousand lines. So he should pull his socks up and do as he’s told. At once.

The dramatic moves come not long after the ‘YES’ campaign received another blow when the UK government announced full sovereignty of Michael Gove would be granted to Scotland in the event of a vote for independence.


Related articles by Tom Pride:

Militants battle government forces for control of Scottish oil fields

Alex Salmond Wins Release Of Dissident Pandas From Chinese Government

Massive oil find off coast of Scotland hushed up till after referendum?

More People Believe In Loch Ness Monster Than In Osborne’s Ability To Run Economy


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