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(satire?)

The prime minister David Cameron has pledged UK troops could be sent to defend strategic oil fields and supply lines if they continue to be threatened by SNP militants in the north of the country.

The heightening of tensions in the oil-rich region comes after overnight clashes between the leader of the breakaway militant group – a shadowy figure who goes by the nom-de-guerre of Al Ek – and a representative of the ruling clan Al Is Tairdar Ling  in which substantial gains were made by the hardline militants.

Militant forces have moved closer in recent weeks to gaining complete control of essential oil and gas fields in the nominally independent northern provinces and are threatening to completely cut off all oil and gas supplies to the rest of the country.

Fighting is raging around the Kelvingrove Museum and Art Gallery, and reports from the frontline indicate the militants have bolstered their forces in and around their strongholds in the remote and inhospitable areas of the regional capital Glasgow.

Military experts think the militants might also be preparing a counter-offensive to retake the strategically important highland areas as well as approaches to the M8 motorway guarding the capital and other economically important nearby towns.

A government spokesperson dismissed claims that threats of a ground war including UK troops being deployed on the front line to defend oil fields were being exaggerated:

“If you think the UK government would not be prepared to go to war over oil, you should think again,” he said.

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