(satire?)

Israeli officials were left reeling today after UK prime minister David Cameron very nearly pledged to almost criticise them.

In a dramatic turnaround, Mr Cameron shocked political pundits after he blasted the Israeli Army for massacring civilians in Gaza by not quite saying something not very nice about it.

And in a devastating speech which he was very nearly on the point of giving today, Cameron bordered on almost telling Israeli premier Benjamin Natanjahu to stop his naughty behaviour at once or face being told to shake hands and make up with the Palestinians.

Mr Cameron also blasted the Israelis by getting pretty close to claiming there were “reasonable grounds” to believe that innocent civilians in Gaza – including children – had been targeted as a form of collective punishment,  which he almost pointed out was not very nice and was even actually rather quite naughty if you think about it.

“It’s not nice,” Cameron almost said.

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Related articles by Tom Pride:

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Scientists shocked after small traces of integrity detected at heart of Tory Party

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