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(satire?)
Scientists are claiming minute amounts of integrity from a previously thought extinct species of Tory could still be residing at the heart of the Conservative Party – after the resignation of a minister over the government’s stance on Gaza.
According to a new study published today, the newly uncovered principles belong to a one and a half-meter-long foreign office minister known as Lady Warsi, a species of Tory previously thought to have been entirely uninhabited by morals of any kind.
Thomas Huxley famously discovered a rare genus of integrity surviving in the Tory Party as far back as 1859, but by the middle of the 20th century all subspecies of morals were long thought to have become extinct even in the furthest outreaches of the party.
The shock discovery comes not long after scientists working at the Large Hadron Collider in Switzerland claim to have detected minute traces of decency residing deep in the heart of Barclays Bank, consistent with evidence that tiny sub-atomic traces of honesty could theoretically exist in traders in the bank’s corporate investment division – albeit in miniscule amounts.
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jonathonblakeley said:
Brilliant very amusing.
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Methusalada said:
Too much integrity can often be followed by serious bowel conditions later !
Shite on all those who follow you before they find out that it is you heavenly shite shifter that placed them in the devils triangle in the first place.
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Nova Brockbank said:
I was given a birthday quote at school. I present it to baroness Warsi. Thy life hath had some smatch of honour in it yet.
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Methusalada said:
Their maybe now some hope in bestowing honour to all Muslims in the UK , however not for one I believe. Humanity !
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beastrabban said:
Reblogged this on Beastrabban’s Weblog.
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A6er said:
Reblogged this on Britain Isn't Eating.
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A6er said:
Extremely funny, thanks
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Editor said:
Reblogged this on kickingthecat.
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pricklypilgrim said:
Now see here, Tom: I know that you are the ‘words guy’ writer bod, but I feel that you have erred in calling self-preservation ‘integrity’…
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Tom Pride said:
Admittedly I’m using the word “integrity” rather loosely in its more “after you demoted me I’m getting a LOT of satisfaction from dragging you over the coals not long before a general election which you’re going to lose so badly even your own mother won’t want to know you, so f*ck you Dave” definition.
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chris stone said:
Funniest yet. I love it
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Mark Lushington said:
I felt a spark of hope about the report of integrity traces left in the Conservative party – but then I remembered the asteroid that wiped them out and allowed mammals to grow.
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Methusalada said:
Brilliant Mark ! Thank you.
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Dan Delion said:
I do worry that quantum effects may lead to the disappearance of such tiny amounts of integrity and honesty should anyone actually attempt to observe them.
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