Tags
Daily Mail, gay, hanky-panky, health, immigration, unemployment
HOW DAILY MAIL ARE YOU?
(Answer the following questions a, b, or c. Then tot up your score at the end to see how you did)
1) You discover your next-door neighbour has lost his job of 30 years. What do you do?
a. Ask him if there’s anything you can do to help him out until he finds a new job.
b. Call around your professional contacts to see if there are any job openings you can find that may be suitable for him.
c. Get together a posse of like-minded, hard-working, tax-paying neighbours and chase him and his family out of town with pitchforks and torches before they drive house prices down even further.
2) You fancy doing something relaxing and entertaining. Do you …….
a. Spend a night in with a take-away and a good film on the telly?
b. Go for a long walk followed by a pub lunch?
c. Spend the day composing and writing letters to the council, the local newspapers, the national press, the police, your local Conservative MP and the Prime Minister on the need to clamp down on the number of benefit-scrounging left-wing single-parent asylum seekers who are single-handedly intent on bringing about the destruction of every value and tradition this country holds dear in order to plunge us all into a new dark age of immorality, malfeasance and delinquency in their relentless quest to suck the nation’s hard-working millionaires dry of their hard-won luxury lifestyles, private yachts and tax breaks?
3) Your sister has just informed you that her husband has died of a sudden heart attack, leaving her with two young children to bring up by herself. Do you …….
a. Make sure she knows you are there for her if she needs you?
b. Recommend a good bereavement counsellor to help her deal with her loss?
c. Give her a lengthy lecture on how the breakdown of the family unit is bringing the country to its knees before refusing to speak to her or answer her phone calls until she gets herself married off to someone double quick?
4) Which if these do you think is most likely to cause cancer?
a. Smoking.
b. Pesticides.
c. Lesbians.
5) Your fourteen-year-old son spends his pocket money on a brand new £10.00 hooded top from Matelan. What do you do?
a. Nothing. It’s his pocket money. He can wear what he likes.
b. Encourage him to appreciate the finer points of style and quality in fashion.
c. Take him to the local police station and demand he be given a short sharp shock by being locked up in a borstal before he continues on his downward spiral into juvenile delinquency, drugs and gangland violence.
6) Over dinner your best friend tells you she is thinking of going on a package holiday to Egypt. How do you react?
a. Tell her she shouldn’t forget to visit the Valley of the Kings and to bring you back a T-shirt.
b. Advise her to take care.
c. Never invite her to your home again in case she comes back from her holiday so radicalised she decides to kidnap you and your family and post a video of herself on YouTube cutting off your heads in a fit of jihad.
7) What do you think is to blame for the dramatic and potentially devastating rise in global temperatures over the last few decades?
a. Human emissions into the atmosphere of carbon dioxide and other pollutants.
b. Natural fluctuations in global weather systems and the earth’s climate.
c. The abolition of the grammar school system.
8) At a time of widespread hardship and extreme austerity, those most in need of state help and support are?
a. The unemployed, the sick and the disabled.
b. The young and the elderly.
c. Bankers.
9) The 1833 factory Act, which made it illegal for factory owners to employ children under the age of 9 years old, is an example of …..?
a. A successful struggle against exploitative capitalist practices.
b. The improvement of society and the inevitable march of civilisation.
c. Political correctness gone mad.
10) You wake up one morning with a stiff neck after sleeping in an awkward position. What do you do?
a. Ignore it, it will probably loosen up as the day goes on.
b. Take a couple of aspirins and get on with things.
c. Place the blame squarely on the shoulders of Gordon Brown and the last Labour government.
How did you do?
Mostly A’s:-
You are in no way a Daily Mail reader. You probably still think unemployment is caused by a lack of jobs and not by unfettered hordes of asylum-seeking lesbians and scrounging single mothers flooding into the country from JohnnyForeignerLand. Try wearing a navy blue blazer and driving a middle-range Lexus a bit more.
Mostly B’s:-
You’re halfway there, but you could still do better. You need to think more about the DIRE consequences of allowing the unemployed to waste their money on unnecessary luxuries like food. It’s all very well feeling sorry for the people next door who need to feed their starving children but dear God WHAT ABOUT THE HOUSE PRICES?
Mostly C’s:-
Well done! You’re as Daily Mail as the product of a G&T-fuelled act of copulation between Nigel Farage and Katie Hopkins. You were probably born on Remembrance Day on a golf course somewhere in Surrey which means you just KNOW the decline of Britain is all down to those radical feminist Muslim immigrants getting gay married all over the place. You’d never even dream of TALKING to a Romanian (not even the nice one who installed your kitchen) never mind living next door to one and you’d NEVER EVER vote Labour – in case it gives you cancer. So pour yourself a shot of Gordon’s, put on a Gary Barlow CD, and celebrate by writing an outraged letter to that nice Mr Dacre about how the left-wing BBC is bowing to EU pressure and union bosses by drastically reducing the number of times your wheelie bins are being emptied.
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Please feel free to share. And comment.
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The Coalition Government Colouring and Activity Book is now available for download as a PDF and in print:
Victor Secombe said:
Ole! I love it.
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Phil Rackley (@pwrac) said:
Phew! I got virtually all “a” to my shame I got “b” for the hoodie question!
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theonlydeadheadinthehameau said:
No c’s. That’ll do.
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waynebeee said:
Excellent. You are so funny.
I took the quiz and being an Independent reader i answered (d) Don’t Know, to all questions.
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R Wood said:
Outrageous! I’m sure Wat Tyler ‘cut-a-dash’ with a Gualtirre-style pitchfork.
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david pearce said:
Tom did you use c for daily mail as it’s the initial letter of a specific word?
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Ash Martin said:
Splendid….though surely, according to Private Eye, the answer cun* should be answer to each question! as that’s the regular punctuation in his language….
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Angela Walker said:
I got c for that one. Mostly a’s on the rest.
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penniewoodfall said:
Tom Pride…you need a holiday
I sympathise…:)
I neva do a quiz at the best of times!
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A6er said:
Reblogged this on Britain Isn't Eating and commented:
Hahahaha, a fantastic satirical? post by Tom that will bring a smile to your face. Very funny if not just a tad scary knowing there are real people like option C.
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Teddzy said:
So THAT’S where I’ve been mistaken. I always thought lesbians caused carpal tunnel syndrome.
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PublicAnimal9 said:
I lived next door to some Romanians. It was great. They were jolly.
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Bellatrixa said:
Reblogged this on And Now For Something Completely British and commented:
‘You are in no way a Daily Mail reader. You probably still think unemployment is caused by a lack of jobs and not by unfettered hordes of asylum-seeking lesbians and scrounging single mothers flooding into the country from JohnnyForeignerLand. Try wearing a navy blue blazer and driving a middle-range Lexus a bit more.’
Aww 😦
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overburdenddonkey said:
q 11 nick clegg (et al) signs a pledge, ahead of to-nite’s stv “debate”, do you a; etc etc….see wings “nick clegg signs a pledge”…as heard from the mouth of libdem willie rennie, even if they give extra powers they can take them back any time and the scottish parliament can be shut down tomorrow if WM wish…..
http://newsnetscotland.com/index.php/scottish-politics/8428-fury-after-unelected-peers-strip-power-from-scotland
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FinkFurst said:
More Westminster politician hypocrisy. They ALL said an option of extra fiscal powers should NOT be on the referendum. Now they ALL say they will allow those pesky Scots a couple of extra fiscal powers to keep them happy. Of course they won’t specify exactly which powers they will be… but corporation tax (i.e. taxing oil revenues) will NOT be one of them!
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overburdenddonkey said:
f f
exactly…tax raising powers hmrc/customs and excise already do that..so what will scotland feel like when the barnett formula is slashed and it will be if we vote no, where will tax raising powers be then? we already pay in more than we get out …see “nine little words” on wings…vote yes get hands on all fiscal levers, don’t need WM pledges, job done…bye bye pocket money political union..hello full income from scottish resources…re-industrialization re-nationalization…no more 10% for us 90% for them, but 90 for us and 10 for them, make things here in scotland far better for our bio-sphere and humanity…skeptics see the work of the jimmy reid foundation…my wish is that scotland thrives, yet never booms…
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Pete B. said:
Its easy to spot Mail readers,just watch them on a bus,train etc,their eyes swivel.Yes they have swivel eyes.One of CMD,s spads said they were swivel eyed loons.And for once,a CMD spad was right.
They are barking mad,have swivel eyes,and drool if you drop a 50p piece.
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FinkFurst said:
“They are barking mad”… apparently so are some Tom Pride blog posters!
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weebles1703 said:
Only in other lesbians…. 🙂
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beastrabban said:
Reblogged this on Beastrabban’s Weblog.
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guy fawkes said:
A perfect description of yourself fink!
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FinkFurst said:
Ms Fawkes – Did you see my post a little while ago when I admitted that you were right about something? It was a one-off, so it would sad if you missed it!
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orbiterlover said:
Seriously guys. Using the Daily Mail as a vehicle for fun must be the lowest form of wit. Unoriginal, snobbery and intolerant. I explain why in this extensive here- http://orbiterlover.com/tag/daily-mail/
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FinkFurst said:
Omit “Using” and “as a vehicle for fun” and you’re spot on!
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Lucy said:
Pssst, Fink, what was your score?
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PaulB said:
A better answer 3a would be “Help her with her children, without waiting to be asked.”
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FinkFurst said:
Lucy – All ‘c’s of course!
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Aelfy Petra Nightentity said:
Three ‘Bs’ only because I actually had a coin to toss and tails came up three times..oh the utter shame *sob*
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Becki said:
Reblogged this on The Ramblings of a History Geek and commented:
Quite a laugh 🙂
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