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(satire?)

Unveiling the first commitment of the Liberal Democrat manifesto for next year’s general election, the deputy prime minister Nick Clegg has pledged his party will keep to its pledges not to break its pledges – a pledge Mr Clegg pledged would not be broken despite previous pledges being broken which he had personally pledged were pledges he would not break.

In a statement to the press, Mr Clegg said:

“I want to make it absolutely clear that the pledges we are pledging before the next election in May 2015 will not be broken – unlike the previous pledges we pledged would not be broken before the last election. That is because the pledges we broke after the last election were pledges we didn’t pledge we wouldn’t break before the last election, unlike the present pledges which we can categorically pledge are pledges which we are pledging will not be broken either before or after the election. That is something I can categorically pledge will not happen. Probably.”

In a question and answer session with reporters after his statement, the Liberal Democrat leader also denied accusations he was trying to hedge his pledges:

“I can absolutely pledge there is no hedge when it comes to this pledge.  A hedge is a pledge which is hedged despite being a pledge but with this pledge I am willing to pledge there is no hedge. This is an unhedged pledge and that is why I can pledge this pledge will not be hedged.”

However, Mr Clegg refused to be drawn on the issue of unhedged pledges driving a wedge in the party:

“Let’s not go there,” he said.

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