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(satire?)

In a bid to claw back lost votes before next year’s general election, Nick Clegg will set himself on a major collision course with himself over his plea to axe the hated Deputy Prime Minister, Nick Clegg.

Mr Clegg has finally come round to realise that the Deputy PM is a disastrous flop and – if he can’t persuade the Lib Dem leader to drop himself before Britain goes to the polls in less than 10 months time – Mr Clegg will make forcing Mr Clegg to ditch Mr Clegg a formal Lib Dem manifesto pledge.

The shock U-turn, unveiled in today’s Daily Mirror, comes after a government report found the Deputy Prime Minister – brought in to help the Conservative Party ruin the country – is crap.

Until today, Lib Dem ministers had staunchly defended themselves and the Deputy Prime Minister and have voted for themselves repeatedly in the Commons.

However, now they realise they are all in fact very crap.

The move comes shortly after Mr Clegg and other Liberal Democrat ministers read a report which concluded that their policy of forcing low-income families to move to smaller homes which don’t exist is unlikely to work.

However, a spokesperson for the Conservative Party defended the policy saying it was irresponsible for low-income households to have spare grown-up children.

A spokesperson for the Liberal Democrats pointed out that money had been made available for poorer families with spare children to help them sleep under the stairs if necessary. At least until they vote through a Conservative party manifesto promise to ban stairs in households earning less than an average of £450,000 per year.

 

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