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(satire?)

The hardest working families across the UK are so grateful to David Cameron and the coalition government for the help they’ve had over the past 4 years that they are urging the government to go and help somebody else instead.

Mrs Susan Jones from Nottingham told Pride’s Purge how grateful she is to Mr Cameron for helping her work harder and harder for less and less:

“Thanks to Dave I’m working more than ever while my wages have got less, my rent and electricity bills have soared and I if I didn’t have a food bank to go to, my kids would starve. So cheers Dave! But can you go and help someone else now. Please.”

Many households in Britain have also praised the way life for hardworking families has improved under the coalition. Bob from Bristol said:

“Now my contract’s been changed to zero hours I get to spend a lot more quality time with my kids – doing constructive things like looking through bins together for scraps of leftover food to help us get by. But really, you can stop helping us now. For God’s sake. Please make it stop.”

Doreen from Liverpool praised George Osborne for her exciting change of lifestyle since the chancellor was put in charge of the economy:

“Life is so much more exciting now I never know from one day to the next whether I’ll be able to feed myself or my kids. If it wasn’t for this government, I’d still have a regular job with boring regular hours and a tedious regular wage. And just to think, if my family was unlucky enough to be one of the richest households in the country, all we’d have got was a lousy tax cut of £100,000 a year. Thanks a lot George!”

And Bill from Lancaster singled out Nick Clegg for his part in helping hardworking families like his:

“Me and my wife work our arses off labouring every hour God sends to bring up our three kids who will soon be reaching the age to go to university so Nick Clegg’s decision to make tuition fees more affordable for people like me by tripling them is a HUGE help. Thanks Nick!”

And Lorraine, a mother-of-two from Norwich, heaped praise on the coalition government’s plans to help working families with school-age children by investing in the modernisation of the nation’s infrastructure:

“I’m really happy the government is spending billions of my tax money on the High Speed rail link. That’s really going to be a lot of help for me trying to fit in the school run with my daily commute to my crap job. Cheers!”

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