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(satire?)

According to new figures released by the Met Office, in May large parts of the UK endured the wettest month by Nick Clegg since records began.

A large area of the country from east Devon to Kent and inland across parts of the Midlands saw twice the average amount of wet comments from the Liberal Democrat leader for the first 5 months of 2014.

A spokesperson for the Met Office said the extremely wet reactions are a result of large movements of hot air being produced by leading Liberal Democrats in response to a meltdown in the polls and allegations of sexual harassment against some of the party’s senior figures.

Figures show Nick Clegg’s incessant drizzle is the biggest downfall the party has experienced since records began – beating the party’s previous record of 158.2mm of wet insincerity set in February 1992 by former leader Paddy Ashdown after he was caught cheating on his wife with his secretary.

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Related articles by Tom Pride:

SIZZLING sexy Lib Dem calendar – HOTTEST Lib Dems of 2014!

All Lib Dem MPs in England and Wales to be microchipped by 2015

Coalition split after Tory minister says UK ‘peppered’ with too many wind-powered Lib Dem MPs

Nick Clegg pledges clampdown on harassment of hot Lib Dem peers by women

Nick Clegg to Lib Dems – “Prepare for Oppositionment!”

Scientists finally discover function of Nick Clegg

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