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After the party’s stunning successes in the local elections, the United Kingdom Independence Party has vowed to forcibly take back control of fixing potholes from Brussels and ensure Britain’s bins will be emptied without interference from the bureaucratic tyranny of European Directives.

UKIP’s announcements come after the party also pledged to ensure more restrictions on the number of immigrants allowed to use playground facilities such as swings and slides in public parks along with a concrete pledge to ban access to climbing frames and roundabouts for more recent European Union arrivals including Romanians and Bulgarians.

And in an uncompromising and triumphant interview with the BBC, party leader Nigel Farage promised to cause a political “earthquake” by ensuring dog poop would be removed from pavements without hindrance from unelected European bureaucrats.

In response to the success of UKIP, local Conservative Party leaders have promised to listen more to the concerns of voters and announced that their councillors would from now on fight tooth and nail to ensure herbaceous borders were properly secured from invasion by foreign plants along pathways in parks and town centres.



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