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(satire?)

The Prime Minister David Cameron has moved quickly to tackle the growing health crisis caused by dangerously thick smog and pollution smothering parts of the country by not going for his usual run in the Oxfordshire countryside this morning.

The strong action comes after doctors warned patients with breathing problems to stay indoors until the worst of the toxic smug on the prime minister’s face has passed and to take immediate “urgent action” if they start to feel ill while looking at it.

As experts confirmed that pollution levels were set to rocket over the next few days, Mr Cameron also announced further urgent action to tackle the crisis by making sure he was driven around in a chauffeur-driven car instead of going by bicycle.

Mr Cameron’s urgent actions come after doctors say as many as two thirds of the country’s cabinet ministers have had to suffer being driven around in air-conditioned luxury cars since the pollution alerts were first made on Tuesday, with as many as 84 per cent saying they have had to use their chauffeurs more often.

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