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Official figures newly released reveal the vast majority of government cabinet ministers are unable to successfully toss a pancake – with some attempts by senior members of the coalition government ending up hitting the ceiling, landing on the floor or on nearby family members and pets thanks to their poor ability to give a toss.

The shocking statistics – which were obtained only after a Freedom of Information request – show not even one Conservative or Liberal Democrat cabinet figure able to successfully keep a pancake in the pan while tossing it and a majority of junior government ministers either very poor or below average at flipping a crepe.

Experts expressed surprise at the scandalous figures as most had expected at least one minister – Vince Cable –  to be able to avoid folding one over mid-toss. However, the FOI request revealed Dr Cable is just as much of a useless tosser as all the rest of his cabinet colleagues.


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