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(satire?)

A resolute David Cameron vowed to marshal the forces of supply and demand and unregulated financial services to tackle the flooding crisis, pledging a wider role for bankers and their unlimited bonuses to protect families from the threat of being made homeless by the rising flood waters.

The prime minister returned from visiting stricken communities in south-west England to hold a Downing Street press conference at which he pledged to provide unlimited financial incentives for foreign investors, tax breaks for millionaires and drastic cuts to emergency services who are dealing with the crisis:

My message to the country today is this. Money is no object in this relief effort, whatever money is needed will be spent by us and our friends in the City. We will take whatever steps are necessary to ensure the money trickles down – eventually – to those in need“.

With many communities complaining about the lack of help from official agencies, Cameron added:

It is clear there must be a bigger role played by an unregulated free market in economic services provided by the finance industry to deal with the flooding crisis, including more hardship funds being made available for banks, finance companies, stock brokerages and investment funds. And of course we must ensure they have full access to enormous bonuses for the incompetent fat-cats who run them. It also clear that we must ensure there are bigger cuts for everyone else too – including the emergency services who are trying to tackle the crisis.

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Related article by Tom Pride:

Cameron’s response to the flooding in a nutshell

Coalition cut flood defence by 27% – Labour increased flood defence by 33%

Cameron announces plan to reduce flooding by forcing it to work in Poundland

Cameron responds to floods crisis by holding a meeting. Named after a snake.

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