(satire?)
By our Chief Economic Editor
Official inflation of the Chancellor George Osborne’s ability to run the economy unexpectedly fell to a dramatic new low in December when incredibly the Bank of England announced the UK economy was improving for the first time in four years.
A smaller rise in dubious claims of growing prosperity have offset a surge in assertions of far-fetched improvements in living standards, economists said, and recent increases in supplies of intolerance have seen stocks of spin, lies and disinformation reach their lowest point in three years, with shares in truth and integrity also rapidly falling.
The surprise fall in realistic assessments of the cost of living drove the consumer incredulity index to its highest level since November 2009, when it stood at 1.9% – just a tenth of a percentage point short of you-couldn’t-make-this-shit-up – the Office for National Statistics reported yesterday.
Recent figures also show levels of scruples and rectitude have fallen sharply across the country since June’s high of 2.9%, and economists warn official government figures on the economy could reach a consistent level of regularly telling huge, unsubstantiated, staggering whoppers as the next general election approaches in 2015.
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For more dazzling information on George’s brilliance, here are some other articles by Tom Pride:
Police called to George Osborne’s home after reports his lights on but nobody at home.
More People Believe In The Loch Ness Monster Than In Osborne’s Ability To Run Economy
Did you know the name Gideon is Hebrew for ‘Destroyer’. Really.
Countdown – red faces as contestant spells out naughty word from OBSOREN
Loss-Making Osborne To Be Sold Off to US Conglomerate
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jed goodright said:
“a surge in assertions ” – love it, is it painful??
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jeffrey davies said:
ah carney sais 2percent great but on the news the shops were complaining it isn’t like that osbornes mate iscooking the books just like George
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nuggy said:
so the economy in its best since Gorden brown was in power then..
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anemoneofpromise said:
Reblogged this on anemone of promise.
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Drew said:
As we are all collectively being gradually shafted, I am starting to hear George and his Madame shout “Can you feel it yet?”
I suspect a peck on the back of the neck leading up to April 2015 and a little tease of a reach around as he thrusts a bit deeper with a few Billion £££’s worth of welfare cuts… You know, to finish him off…….. AHHHHHH, Has anyone got a cigarette?
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Mike Sivier said:
Reblogged this on Vox Political.
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eviltorypervert said:
ha ha yes you are.
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beastrabban said:
Reblogged this on Beastrabban’s Weblog.
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