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(satire?)
According to new research, medical experts are warning that watching too much poverty pornography such as Channel 4’s Benefits Street can cause serious hardening of the heart and lead to blindness towards other human beings.
The researchers say other side effects of poverty porn could include symptoms such as severe narrowing of the mind and a desire to urinate at least 20 times a day on people less fortunate than yourself as well as a danger that your rectum could become so full of tough shit you could experience difficulties giving one at all.
The recent research also provides convincing evidence that viewing too much poverty porn can over-stimulate the neurological parts of the brain that deal with moral superiority, resulting in a flood of self-righteous hormones, leading in turn to a serious danger that you might become a bit of a w*nker.
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Related articles by Tom Pride:
Threats of death and violence after Channel 4 programme Benefits Street
Benefits Street producers previously accused of putting children at risk for TV shows
DWP blames cancer patient for her illness
Mother’s plea for son who lost benefits after missing signing on because of cancer operationp
The government has finally done something so outrageous even I can’t be bothered to satirise it
Throat cancer victim – “this is not the England they fought and died for!”
Let’s be clear – Tory and Lib Dem MPs have decided terminally ill patients should work or starve
Don’t turn your back. Because you’re going to be disabled too one day.
ATOS assessor found blind woman fit for work after “wiggling his fingers” in front of her eyes
ATOS call police on Labour councillor after he tries to accompany claimants to assessments
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Please feel free to comment.
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drew said:
Be interesting to hear if you get trolled by any self evident W⚓s for this rather excellent post 😉
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Jet Black said:
Perfect!
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The Infamous Culex said:
I have long maintained that Lord David Fraud and Herr Duncan Schmidt are so remarkably constipated that their rectums have somehow backed up their contents into their heads.
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mistynow said:
Superb !
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WormsIview said:
The Sunday Herald, 12 Jan 2014, – Iain Macwhirter
‘How about a tv show called ‘Bonus Street’ – about the life and times of City of London Crooks?
http://www.heraldscotland.com/comment/columnists/how-about-a-tv-show-called-bonus-street-about-the-life-and-times-of-city-of-londo.23147424
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guy fawkes said:
The condems must be w***ing themselves to death then, followed closely by ukip and new labour.
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nuggy said:
have a look at this tom.
http://samedifference1.com/2014/01/11/dawn-marie-saunders/
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eviltorypervert said:
well im wanking myself right now.
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card2 said:
What sort of job could IDS get with his own “Imaginative” CV ?
If he gained by selection for a constituency on the basis of the CV has he committed a theft act offence of obtaining a pecuniary advantage by deception ? If he were to take the old Chiltern Hundreds and have to sign on the dole should he be sanctioned for losing his employ due to misconduct ?
Winston Churchill rather advocated the use of Magna Carta in extremis because it had never failed.
“Sanctions” are of course made unlawful by the original unrepealable Magna Carta which forbids harm to be inflicted save by lawful judgment by peers.
What has happened with the rather odd Farnbough Jobcentre lady is that she mentally wishes to extend the use of sanction to include capital punishment.
Whereas I rather like some ancient old lore about Infringment of Servitude.
The Jobcentre clerk is my servant. Without the unemployed to serve she has no job.
Suppose she sends me to a job having been warned the job can damage my health. Then I can writ her to take her car, her house to the extent that overall she becomes poorer than me so to re-establish the master servant relationship she betrayed. You won’t find that in the law books or on the internet. The books will all suggest that petty treason is no longer a part of the law.
Now where is that old law about the right to flog a servant with the birch prior to putting them in stocks upon summary judgment for publicly wishing ill upon their master. What a silly semi skilled clerk she must be.
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