(satire?)
The Department for Work and Pensions has announced that Iain Duncan Smith is to undergo aortic valve enlargement surgery after doctors discovered his heart has suffered so much severe shrinkage that it was in danger of disappearing altogether.
A spokesperson for the Secretary of State for Work and Pensions said Mr Duncan Smith met with a heart specialist last week to discuss the surgical procedure after routine tests showed his heart was several sizes too small even for a top Tory.
Medical experts say that Mr Duncan Smith will also undergo emergency rectum replacement surgery after his entire system of moral rectitude was found to be so full of tough shit he has had to resort to extracting facts and figures from his anus manually.
Severe heart shrinkage – a common ailment among senior members of the Conservative Party – is often accompanied by a lack of control over normal bodily functions such as giving a shit as well as other symptoms such as a persistent need to urinate on anyone less fortunate than yourself at least 20 times a day.
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Related articles by Tom Pride:
Former Archbishop of Canterbury calls Iain Duncan Smith’s remarks “disturbing”
The remarkable similarities between Fritz Sauckel and Iain Duncan Smith
‘Anal knitter’ Iain Duncan Smith knits policies with facts taken straight from his anus
Iain Duncan Smith and Universal Credit – a case of a tool blaming his workmen?
Iain Duncan Smith bullied aide to tears over his expenses claims for – underwear!
Iain Duncan Smith test drives new driverless robot government department at DWP
Etymological maps of common words like ‘clegg’, ‘cameron’ and ‘duncan smith’
Only one problem with the government’s list of top ten benefits fraudsters – it doesn’t exist
Government Announces Clampdown On Work-Shy Babies
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Pride's Purge 
Tom – When are you going to start directing your satirical criticisms rationally and progressively, instead of playing this childish and pathetic party insults game which patently doesn’t get us anywhere?
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Reblogged this on Vox Political.
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I was amazed to find out the IDS actually had a heart! : D
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The cast for the No 10 Panto has been announced:
David Cameron: The Great Oz
Nick Clegg: the Cowardly Lion
Ian Duncan Smith: The Tin Man
George Osborne: the Scarecrow
Theresa May as the Wicked Witch of the West
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IDS has a heart, albeit shrivelled and walnut sized, eh? Hard to believe but I’ll take your word for it but if you ever claim that IDS is going into hospital for brain surgery, well, I’ll have to call you a fibber because saying something so unbelievable and comprehensively daft really is royally taking the piss!
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There is another rare medical condition that IDS seems to be showing signs of, whereby his mouth is gradually taking on the same shape and bodily functions as his rectum. In that the discharge of crap now emanating from both orifices, he is at a loss to know which to wipe clean first thing in the morning?
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I think IDS can hear you Tom…
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2529714/Duncan-Smith-No-hiding-place-opt-life-benefits.html
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And the increasingly depleted NHS has urged the public to collect any moral fibre they find lying around (for transplant via large bore syringe into IDS’ nether regions – there is a severe shortage, a veritable LMF in the political ranks, that needs to be addressed as a matter of urgency). The public is asked to kindly forward it in a Jiffy bag to their nearest hospital’s LMF Bank, if not already closed down by austerity cuts.
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hhhaaaaaa nice 1 colin /i was going to say KARMA AT LAST then realised it was a wishful thinking joke /SHAME x
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if only this was true, and he died on the operating table
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you see know irony in attacking the man’s compassion with a satire about heart disease.
it’s hateful. vile.
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