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(satire?)

A huge delegation of British platitudes, cliches and hypocrisy will be travelling to South Africa tomorrow to represent the UK and attend Tuesday’s lip service to Nelson Mandela.

The unprecedented array of toe-curling insincerity and pretentiousness will be joined by other hackneyed old saws such as David Cameron, Tony Blair, Gordon Brown, Nick Clegg and Ed Miliband at the FNB football stadium in Johannesburg.

It is thought to be the first time for many years that all of the UK’s surviving overused, hackneyed phrases will have attended the same event abroad together, although it is likely most of the official banality will travel separately from the rest of the corny old chestnuts for security reasons.

According to the prime minister’s official spokesman, the guest list of British vapid insincerity was drawn up by the South African government following discussions with Downing Street about the logistics of the trip.

The Johannesburg memorial service will be a more international affair than Mandela’s state funeral, where the Prince of Wales, representing the Queen, will be among a smaller group of tired, stale, trite platitudes attending the actual funeral ceremony itself.

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Related articles by Tom Pride:

Tory youth wing ‘Conservative Future’ still singing “Hang Nelson Mandela” at meetings

Tories – when we said “Hang Mandela” we meant it in a nice way

AK 47s and swastika flags. The face of today’s Conservative Party?

14 quotes that prove the nasty party is still just as nasty as ever

Scientific study reveals up to 95% of Tory DNA is Neanderthal

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