The Seven Cardinal Sins as interpreted by Boris Johnson:
- Lust — an effective motivator for ensuring men don’t spend too much time playing video games or golf. Also provides long-term economic security to florists, chocolate manufacturers and the international diamond industry.
- Gluttony — a key attribute essential in society for ensuring top job creators in charge of large food and drink manufacturers are able to regularly upgrade their personal ocean-going luxury yachts.
- Greed — a powerful motivator for success in the crucial financial services industry which encourages executives to create profitable economic meltdowns and lucrative recessions.
- Sloth — an essential characteristic in any society wishing to stimulate its economy by developing an all-important television reality show sector.
- Wrath — indispensable feelings of hatred, revenge, intolerance and punitive scapegoating without which a successful tabloid newspaper industry would not be able to function.
- Pride — An essential desire to make oneself more like the Mayor of London.
- Envy — A useful evolutionary catalyst for social and economic progress which encourages subordinate male apes on the lower social scale in the dominance hierarchy to aspire to being like the Alpha Male – in all his blond haired, mop-headed, Old-Etonian, pot-bellied glory. Envy also encourages females to aspire to being one of those lucky enough to mate with him.
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